Puzzled!

 I picked up 2 boxes of puzzles from Thomas Kinkade while on vacation in Nova scotia 2 years ago, I believe in a used book store in Yarmouth. 

I'm on the last of 10. Here's a few photos. 

I understand I'm toxic to others

 

I understand why my youngest daughter never talks to me. I was toxic to her as a child like my aunt was toxic to me. It's ok. She's better off without me in her life at this point 

I've stopped trying to connect. My attempts are always awkward and I'm sure I always say the wrong thing. Each time I fail I beat myself up more and nothing ever improves.  

I love her very much and hope she's well and happy . I wish her all the best.  

My last dress sewn in Montreal

 Made inspired by dresses my mom & I wore in the 1960's. My new dress in cotton lace lined in double gauze. Colour inspired by mom. 

When will we meet again, In thunder, in lightening or in rain?

 I vented earlier this week about the nightmare it has been to both buy and sell a house at the same time, and how stressful packing is in a woman's autism group I've been a member for years.  One of my first Black friends who's also autistic had joined a few years back upon my suggestion.  When she saw my post she offered to come and help me pack on Saturday. Being myself who doesn't ask for help and doesn't quite know how to accept help, I originally declined. She offered again for Monday. Then it hit me hard. She wasn't just offering to help,  it was her way to see me also before I moved away. Turns out her neighbors are also moving to Nova Scotia and she was feeling it hard.

So I accepted her offer. Then I also realized that like grandpa and I, offering help is also part of our love language. Anyways I'm super happy I figured it out and accepted her help. It was all kinds of awesome talking to her. Found out her brother [RIP] lived 5 minutes away from where I am. He was my first Black friend. We met online BBSes because we both wrote erotica and people wanted us to write a story together. We wrote a few and became good friends after that.

We hadn't seen each other in person in 30 years. The last time being at the reservoir at a  baseball game. She was 16 at the time and I loved reading her online. Loved the way she wrote and communicated. She offered to spent time with my daughters to give me a bit of breathing space .It had been significant for me because afterwards I had a long talk about racism with my daughters who were 4 and 5 at the time.  It had been significant for her as she met the person who was going to be her bf for  years, but who was also a real big time lying, manipulative jerk. I knew the guy and had a small fling with him at some point and looking at the timeline it was probably while she was his gf.  

I love how with some people I can just pick up and it's like you never missed a beat. 

She made clearing the shed fun.  I'm always worried that if I accept help from a friend I'm going to lose a friend because the way we work might be too different. In the end we worked amazingly well together. We both wore masks  even though we're fully vaccinated because her two little ones can't be. So even though we spent most of our time outside and 6ft apart [except for the arrival and departure hugs] we stayed masked.  I got to see her beautiful smile when she got into her vehicle and she really hasn't changed a bit except for a few white hairs.  Her daughter told her recently that she isn't supposed to look like a grandma until she's one. 

The kitties hang around

Buddy & Toby intrigued by what Terry is doing inside the house

Buddy hanging out on neighbours fence. 

Toby sitting window sill outside

Ziva hanging out in the grass

Ziva and Jethro cuddling on the back step

 

September sewing

 

Made with soft cotton knit using Vogue V8685

1940's style dress in Rayon made using Simplicity 1777

Made in unknown - maybe taffeta fabric picked up for $4 at the thrift store and Simplicity  4595 pattern from 1962. 

It matches my batik dragonfly dress

One of the silk scarves I found recently at the thrift store was in the same colours as my turquoise and purple batik dragonfly dress. 

Wearing scarves are for stimming purposes. When I'm not smoking cigarettes I need to keep my hands busy.  I've ruined enough of my favourite pendants to know I need something to play with. 

Wearing a silk scarf around my neck does not trigger me like turtlenecks or chokers do. I like the feel of silk and feeling up fabric .in general so I end up feeling it and pulling on it  which works well. 

I've been wearing scarves on and off for over 6 years. Was wearing one on my 2nd date with Terry. He was amused at how much I played with my scarf that day. 

Dirty campaigns

 I guess it's a sign of the times. I've lived in the west island of Montreal for over 3 decades going between DDO & Pierrefonds. Usually when there's an election certain locations get plastered with different candidates posters for the duration of the electoral campaign. 

I've been walking to try to improve my health and had noticed many posters from the liberal incumbent.  Then when I walked on Labour day Monday I noticed all his posters had disappeared, at least around Anselme Lavigne and Fredmir. Instead the area was plastered with the conservative party's signs. 

By law you aren't allowed to touch other candidates signs. I let the liberal candidate know what I spotted and was told it happened all over the riding and a police complaint had been filed. 

I hate dirty politics. This taking down of signs really pisses me off. 

These boots were made for walking

 No. Not walking all over anyone. Just been going on daily walks, most days, twice a day. According to the 'step app' I put on my android I have walked 52km. 

I used to be able to walk forever even with my bad, prone to bursitis knees. I mean when I was with homeless-ex we used to take long walks from home to Akhavan  for instance which is 4.3 km each way. Or when we climbed up the Mont du Lac des Cygnes in Grand Jardins Provincial park which is 8.5 km both ways. 

Or before I had pneumonia in fall 2016, that summer I'd gone down and back up Egypt falls in Cape Breton, which was super steep. Took 20 minutes to go down and 40 to go back up. Had also done a 4 hour trail in Mauricie Park. The only problems I had is I have to stop periodically to catch my breath when going up hill. 

The last few times there was trails or places I could walk... it had to be soft flat surfaces. At the islands provincial park in Fundy I couldn't walk on the rocky terrain my knees couldn't handle it. 

I need to get sleeves for walking for my knees. I need to keep walking to get my energy levels back. Since having covid I rarely have much energy. Which means I was conserving it to get through work. 

I actually needed a month of doing little. I needed the rest. But doing little exacerbated the arthritis. I'm hoping twice daily walks will also help with that. 

I'm finally retired I do want to enjoy life. 

Silk scarves

 One of the things I like to collect is silk scarves. I've been collecting for 7-8 years and mostly I go for the long oblong ones to wear around my neck though I have a few square ones to wear as kerchiefs as well. I pay anywhere from $2 to $8 for them. 

Often they are new, never worn. Here is 4 scarves I thrifted recently. The one with the horses is the most unique printed scarf I've ever found. 

Silly photo....

 

Sewing in August 2021

Made with Simplicity 5632 from 1973

Made with Simplicity 8028

Made with McCalls M7081

Made with McCalls M7081

Made with Butterick 6683 and the sleeves of Simplicity

 

Made with all thrifted materials using Butterick 6601

Arthritis pain

 I've been saying my arthritis has gotten far worse since I had covid but I always feel like my pain is imagined because by the time I complain about pain I can barely move. 

I thought I was being whiny and out of shape but damn... I had been driving 15 minutes holding the steering with both hands when the pain became unbearable.  I had to open my hands and stretch my fingers while driving to reduce the intensity. Also took 2 ibuprofen when I arrived at my destination. I don't find that it helps with the pain directly. It seems to remove some inflammation which then makes pain more tolerable. 

Of late I have a hard time opening plastic frozen fruit & vegetable bags. 

I have to pace myself and do things slowly. This is something I have a really hard time doing. I'm highly energetic and when I do something I do it fast and enthusiastically. I have a hard time doing a little and stopping. 

My feet hurt a lot too. Often I feel it the most when I lie down to sleep and then my bunion and each toe articulation just aches. You'd think I ran a marathon. All I wear is keen sandals and Vans... all flat and wide enough.. with arch support. 

Then there's my knees with bursitis. Some days going up the stairs my knees feel like they will give out on me. Feels like I'm going to have to start wrapping my knees again for long walks and/or going up/down stairs a lot.  It was over 10 years ago that the orthopedic surgeon told me I needed to be gentle with my knees because they were finished. 

And if my feet and knees hurt... so do my weak ankles. 

Now that I'm 'retired'.. I have to figure out how to deal with the fucking arthritis. I know my mom & aunt had osteoporosis but  no one talked about this. 

Fabric purchases

I bought fabric at Atlantic

Fabrics in Truro. Found out I missed out on a cool dragonfly print that sold out in record time. But I got two cool batiks from Bayan Batiks. 

Also a photo of cotton prints I bought from fabricville for stress sewing after Terry packed all my woven cotton prints. 

Some you might recognize in dresses already sewn. Notice the nautical themes & fishies. 

Camping at Gulf Shore Camping Park in Pugwash Nova Scotia.

 In our trip to see properties in Nova Scotia we stayed one night at the Gulf Shore Camping Park in Pugwash. We had originally thought we were going to stay at Caribou-Munroe Provincial Park in Pictou, but in the end we decided for the Amherst shores but it made no difference both were fully booked.  The Amherst clerk told us about the campground in Pugwash. 

I'm not a fan of private campgrounds preferring provincial or federal parks for camping. But we had no choice. We got there,  on the gate there was a note saying "Gone for dinner, find a spot". So we found a spot. They had 10 tent spots and only 2 were occupied when we got there .So we got a nice spot.  Only one other camper arrived after us for a tent spot.

Was one of the most quiet campgrounds I've ever stayed at.   The sites for tents were not too close. I've seen about same at provincial parks.  The beach and the view at this campsite was spectacular too. Here are some of the few photos I took on this trip. 

Sunset

Sunrise

Retro stress sewing

 Been stress sewing to deal with my feelings so this is what I've made recently

Made using MCalls 2241 from 1969

Made using Simplicity 7456 from 1967

Detail of the border print

Made using 8193 from 1968

Things I sewed for Mado

Made using Simplicity 1571

Dress made using Burda  9341

All leggings using Simplicity 8620

Made with Owl print using New Look 6334

 

Flannel PJ's made using McCalls M6458

Mado asked for more red things and less pink and purple.  So more red things :)

Emotions

 I have this thing where half the time I have no clue what I'm feeling.  So I end up blowing up over a stupid comment about nothing. And it often surprises me as much as the person I just blew up at. 

I've been upset about work, about my old boss for months but hadn't been able to verbalize it or put it in words. I was able to tell some to Dave but his sudden death makes me feel like those thoughts died along with him.  

I rarely dream but since I retired I've been having nightmares every night about the computer equipment I left behind. I wake up all upset thinking about the hardware layouts I was testing with. 

Change is hard and this year has been nothing but change. Change in how everything we do, was changes at work, changes with my home being purged of extraneous junk... it's too much.  I feel so lost. 

Sudden death

 It's been less than 2 full weeks since I retired and hear of the death of a colleague.

 I first met him as an intern in technical support over the summer. He then got hired as engineer in ASIC design, became team leader, head of department and eventually VP. 

I worked with him about 20 years, the last where he was my bosses boss. He will be missed. He had a great sense of humour and was very down to earth. 

Dave you will be missed. 

New 70's dress

 I've been stress sewing. This is my latest creation. A dress made with pattern from 1972, Butterick 6683

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