When Mado saw the purple dressed she squealed apparently and had to wear it then and there! She chose to wear it with cowboy boots, a jean jacket and an umbrella :)
Monday, May 20, 2019
Sunday, May 19, 2019
Migraine from Hell and nerve pain
After being angry at having been yet again prescribed antidepressants to deal with nerve pain, I did some research. Apparently it's a thing. For some people the antidepressants seem to ease persistent nerve pain. I did a lot of reading. But what I'm getting is the percentage of people whom it seems to help isn't much different then the percentage you get from placebo effect.
It helps that now I know all I have is scar tissue. Scar tissue with nerve cells that are still somewhat alive and occasionally send pain signals. The neurologist had suggested I keep a journal to see if the medication worked. I decided for now to go back to putting capsaicin ointment on the bump. The difference is now I'm rubbing it in 4 times a day. When I was putting it on a year ago it was so sensitive I could not rub it in. I would put some on and let it absorb.
About 15 minutes after I rub it in I get all sort of weird nerve pain effects. I visualize how the pain radiates from the bump much like a 60's plasma globe. It's like you're touching the glass where my bump is and pain jolts radiate from that point. And then it passes. This is after the first week of putting capsaicin. The analgesic effect is cumulative so I'm hoping as the weeks go by that the pain effect diminishes to the point where it no longer does that. The hope is from numbing the nerve cells enough for enough time they will stop sending pain messages out and I will no longer have random head pain caused by them.
The other thing I realized is that about 6 months after the surgery, when I was getting 1000 times more weird nerve pain reactions from my surgery, I got the vaccination against shingles. One of the reasons to get vaccinated is that if you catch shingles, you will have less nerve pain, for less long. But it's possible getting vaccine at that point may have also added or continued my nerve pain longer. I have no regrets getting the vaccine. Because the head nerve pain I've been experiencing sucks. I'd hate to have more of it in more parts of my body, which could happen if I got a full blown case of the shingles.
Right now I'm trying the cream. It had removed about 80% of the weird nerve pain I was experiencing when I did it for 3 or 4 months. I'm hoping that topical cream will do the trick. My mental health and brain chemistry is fragile and I work hard to keep it functional. Most medication I take internally affects my mood and functioning, so I'm really cautious with what I put into my body.
The dexamethasone broke my migraine. I took 10mg 3 days in a row at breakfast with food. It put my stomach on fire for 4 days. It did make my head feel a lot better. My allergies seem bad and seem to have hit me slightly differently and were likely part of the cause of the migraine.
Since leaving the hospital I've taken religiously asthma med Pulmicort for lungs, and Rhinocort for nose. Also the past 3 days I even had to add Olopatadine for my eyes. I woke up 3 days ago in the middle of the night with leaky eyes. By morning my right eye had a film making vision fuzzy. I've woken up with my eyes glued shut from allergies. Usually not in May, usually in late June. But with the cold wet spring we have, I suspect my allergy to trees is compounded with mold this year. Either way the eye drops are keeping my eyes from leaking, though they burn a little still.
Three months ago I got a call from my family doctors office to tell me she had retired. I'm seeing the new family doctor assigned to me on June 4rth. From what I can see she's young and the reviews on ratemymd are very good. I asked person if her wait times were shorter. She laughed and said much shorter , rarely have to wait more then 30 minutes. With my previous family doctor it's been more than 3 hours!!!! So we'll see how we like the new doctor.
It helps that now I know all I have is scar tissue. Scar tissue with nerve cells that are still somewhat alive and occasionally send pain signals. The neurologist had suggested I keep a journal to see if the medication worked. I decided for now to go back to putting capsaicin ointment on the bump. The difference is now I'm rubbing it in 4 times a day. When I was putting it on a year ago it was so sensitive I could not rub it in. I would put some on and let it absorb.
About 15 minutes after I rub it in I get all sort of weird nerve pain effects. I visualize how the pain radiates from the bump much like a 60's plasma globe. It's like you're touching the glass where my bump is and pain jolts radiate from that point. And then it passes. This is after the first week of putting capsaicin. The analgesic effect is cumulative so I'm hoping as the weeks go by that the pain effect diminishes to the point where it no longer does that. The hope is from numbing the nerve cells enough for enough time they will stop sending pain messages out and I will no longer have random head pain caused by them.
The other thing I realized is that about 6 months after the surgery, when I was getting 1000 times more weird nerve pain reactions from my surgery, I got the vaccination against shingles. One of the reasons to get vaccinated is that if you catch shingles, you will have less nerve pain, for less long. But it's possible getting vaccine at that point may have also added or continued my nerve pain longer. I have no regrets getting the vaccine. Because the head nerve pain I've been experiencing sucks. I'd hate to have more of it in more parts of my body, which could happen if I got a full blown case of the shingles.
Right now I'm trying the cream. It had removed about 80% of the weird nerve pain I was experiencing when I did it for 3 or 4 months. I'm hoping that topical cream will do the trick. My mental health and brain chemistry is fragile and I work hard to keep it functional. Most medication I take internally affects my mood and functioning, so I'm really cautious with what I put into my body.
The dexamethasone broke my migraine. I took 10mg 3 days in a row at breakfast with food. It put my stomach on fire for 4 days. It did make my head feel a lot better. My allergies seem bad and seem to have hit me slightly differently and were likely part of the cause of the migraine.
Since leaving the hospital I've taken religiously asthma med Pulmicort for lungs, and Rhinocort for nose. Also the past 3 days I even had to add Olopatadine for my eyes. I woke up 3 days ago in the middle of the night with leaky eyes. By morning my right eye had a film making vision fuzzy. I've woken up with my eyes glued shut from allergies. Usually not in May, usually in late June. But with the cold wet spring we have, I suspect my allergy to trees is compounded with mold this year. Either way the eye drops are keeping my eyes from leaking, though they burn a little still.
Three months ago I got a call from my family doctors office to tell me she had retired. I'm seeing the new family doctor assigned to me on June 4rth. From what I can see she's young and the reviews on ratemymd are very good. I asked person if her wait times were shorter. She laughed and said much shorter , rarely have to wait more then 30 minutes. With my previous family doctor it's been more than 3 hours!!!! So we'll see how we like the new doctor.
Saturday, May 18, 2019
Don't let Conservative white men take away our abortion rights.
Do not become complacent about the right to abortion in Canada. Right now there are no laws in Canada regulating abortion. We do not want the politicians to change that. We are one of the only countries in the world were there are no legal restrictions, and where abortion is governed by the Canada Health Act. Sadly regulations and accessibility still differs per province. The reason for this mostly unrestricted access was the work of Dr Henry Morgentaler. He fought the government arguing ALL women should have access to safe abortions in Canada.
In 1988, the Supreme court of Canada struck down the Abortion law from 1969, which was extremely restrictive. Under the 1969 law you had to present yourself to a committee of 3 people at certain hospitals in large urban centers. If you were a teen you had to bring your parents, if you were married you had to bring your husband. The committee would decide if you should have access to abortion. In some hospitals the committee did nothing but exist. It never approved one abortion.
Depending on your geographical location, it was almost impossible for some women to have access to a safe abortion before 1990. And in some provinces like PEI, there were no services and women typically had to travel to Moncton, NB to be able to obtain a legal abortion. This makes abortions especially hard to obtain for the young and the poor. Still today access is restricted by geographic location. Those in remote communities have to travel far to have access to safe abortions.
When I had an abortion in 1987 - I had to have an illegal one. I was lucky that Montreal had a Morgentaler clinic, near Metro Honore Beaugrand. It cost me $350 and the visit took one hour. No one shamed me, Dr Morgentaler had amazing bedside manner and made patients feel comfortable, with this procedure no one wants to have. If I'd lived in a small village in Northern Quebec, would I even had been aware of the Morgantaler clinic? Would anyone have told me? Or would I have been shamed in carrying an unwanted pregnancy?
While it was REALLY difficult to have the abortion and I had very little time to think once I realized I was pregnant [I was at least 10 weeks when I took pregnancy test - which back then you took your morning urine to a pharmacy and they called back 2 days later] I know by the time I had abortion I was close to cutoff date for first trimester abortions. I was one of those women who's cycle varied from 14 days to 42 days. I'm also a woman who used birth control and still got pregnant.
Women's reproductive rights should belong to women/afab. Being able to decide to terminate a pregnancy should be a right every woman/afab person has. Women from my grandmother's generation have died or bleed so much during childbirth, they had brain damage. Both my mom and grandma were told not to have any more children by their family doctor, as the next one would probably end their life. Having me nearly killed my mom and made her health poor until I was six. My grandma was scolded often by the parish priest for only having 3 children in the Catholic Quebec of 1930's.
Women pay a HIGH PRICE to carry children they DO want. They should not have to choose between their life and carrying an unwanted child or an unhealthy child or a stillborn one. They should never be retaken into a police station and interrogated or jailed EVER for miscarrying or safely terminating their pregnancy. One in three women have at least one miscarriage in their life time. It's traumatic enough to go through without others trying to decide if you should be labelled a killer never mind facing legal consequences. No woman should ever have to justify why she terminated a pregnancy or lost a baby. The emotional scars stay with us for life just from the events itself.
Note, I use the term woman, but please know this rant includes anyone who physically can be pregnant no matter what label you use or how you identify, I am thinking about your rights too.
In 1988, the Supreme court of Canada struck down the Abortion law from 1969, which was extremely restrictive. Under the 1969 law you had to present yourself to a committee of 3 people at certain hospitals in large urban centers. If you were a teen you had to bring your parents, if you were married you had to bring your husband. The committee would decide if you should have access to abortion. In some hospitals the committee did nothing but exist. It never approved one abortion.
Depending on your geographical location, it was almost impossible for some women to have access to a safe abortion before 1990. And in some provinces like PEI, there were no services and women typically had to travel to Moncton, NB to be able to obtain a legal abortion. This makes abortions especially hard to obtain for the young and the poor. Still today access is restricted by geographic location. Those in remote communities have to travel far to have access to safe abortions.
When I had an abortion in 1987 - I had to have an illegal one. I was lucky that Montreal had a Morgentaler clinic, near Metro Honore Beaugrand. It cost me $350 and the visit took one hour. No one shamed me, Dr Morgentaler had amazing bedside manner and made patients feel comfortable, with this procedure no one wants to have. If I'd lived in a small village in Northern Quebec, would I even had been aware of the Morgantaler clinic? Would anyone have told me? Or would I have been shamed in carrying an unwanted pregnancy?
While it was REALLY difficult to have the abortion and I had very little time to think once I realized I was pregnant [I was at least 10 weeks when I took pregnancy test - which back then you took your morning urine to a pharmacy and they called back 2 days later] I know by the time I had abortion I was close to cutoff date for first trimester abortions. I was one of those women who's cycle varied from 14 days to 42 days. I'm also a woman who used birth control and still got pregnant.
Women's reproductive rights should belong to women/afab. Being able to decide to terminate a pregnancy should be a right every woman/afab person has. Women from my grandmother's generation have died or bleed so much during childbirth, they had brain damage. Both my mom and grandma were told not to have any more children by their family doctor, as the next one would probably end their life. Having me nearly killed my mom and made her health poor until I was six. My grandma was scolded often by the parish priest for only having 3 children in the Catholic Quebec of 1930's.
Women pay a HIGH PRICE to carry children they DO want. They should not have to choose between their life and carrying an unwanted child or an unhealthy child or a stillborn one. They should never be retaken into a police station and interrogated or jailed EVER for miscarrying or safely terminating their pregnancy. One in three women have at least one miscarriage in their life time. It's traumatic enough to go through without others trying to decide if you should be labelled a killer never mind facing legal consequences. No woman should ever have to justify why she terminated a pregnancy or lost a baby. The emotional scars stay with us for life just from the events itself.
Note, I use the term woman, but please know this rant includes anyone who physically can be pregnant no matter what label you use or how you identify, I am thinking about your rights too.
Friday, May 10, 2019
The Migraine from Hell and other horror stories: Part II
After the Lakeshore hospital nearly killed Terry last summer, we've been going to Sacre Coeur Hospital in Cartierville. It's about 8 minutes longer car drive, but the service is much better. Also their ER is state of the art, and they have a decent triage system.
We arrived at Sacre Coeur around 10:30PM. I didn't want to go until it was dark and we had to pick up Zoey from her friends birthday party, so we went after she came home. Terry had to put me in a wheel chair, I was so light and sound sensitive I was wearing my dark glasses and had my hood over my head to block more light. We got a number and were triaged about 5-8 minutes after arriving. I coulnd't even open my eyes to be examined by the nurse, Terry had to do most of the talking. So I was put as a 10/10 pain migraine.
From there I was wheeled to a room nestled along the other 20 exam rooms, called ZEV, which has 8 comfy chairs and where the lights were out at one end of the room. I was put an IV in my arm and given something to stop the migraine but that really didn't do anything. I saw the doctor an hour later and coulnd't barely open my eyes when he had to look into them. The problem with the ZEV room is that there was an intercom right above where I was sitting so each time it would go off it would make mejump out of my skin and felt like an intense panic attack. I'd wanted to run away. BY the time they decided what to do with my migraine I was so distraught and overwhelmed I was screaming I just wanted to go home. WHen the poor nurse gently touched my shoulder and arm to provide comfort I jumped out of my skin and screamed DONT TOUCH ME!
I said I coudn't deal with the noise, the light. I just wanted out of my misery.
Since it was the middle of the night they had an unused exam room on the other side of the ZEV and they put in there, closed the lights. There's no loud intercom in there, so it was less bad. They put another IV and despite my protests that tylenol does little other then seriously upset my stomach, I was given 1000mg of Tylenol and 500mg of Naproxen. The IV was both liquids for dehydration and Sumatriptan to kill migraine.
Once the IV was done, doctor came back asked if I was better. At best I got 20%. I could open my eyes in semi darkness with my sunglasses on! WOO! SO he sent me home with prescription for 4000mg tylenol a day 1000mg Naproxen and the Sumatriptan if the migraine seemed to come back.
He also made some stupid side remark about not giving morphine for migraines? Who the fuck asked for morphine? I was even resistant to plain PAINmeds, not because I want the OPIODS, I want non pill solutions...
Anyways... It was 3am when I got home, I fell asleep and slept till 2. We went to Costco since I decided to use the Pharmacy there from now on. Got the pills and my stomach was on fire.
I managed to go to work on Monday. Tried really hard I had new interns starting. Running some old DOS diag tests, that included moving lines, reset off the migraine with a vengeance.
We arrived at Sacre Coeur around 10:30PM. I didn't want to go until it was dark and we had to pick up Zoey from her friends birthday party, so we went after she came home. Terry had to put me in a wheel chair, I was so light and sound sensitive I was wearing my dark glasses and had my hood over my head to block more light. We got a number and were triaged about 5-8 minutes after arriving. I coulnd't even open my eyes to be examined by the nurse, Terry had to do most of the talking. So I was put as a 10/10 pain migraine.
From there I was wheeled to a room nestled along the other 20 exam rooms, called ZEV, which has 8 comfy chairs and where the lights were out at one end of the room. I was put an IV in my arm and given something to stop the migraine but that really didn't do anything. I saw the doctor an hour later and coulnd't barely open my eyes when he had to look into them. The problem with the ZEV room is that there was an intercom right above where I was sitting so each time it would go off it would make mejump out of my skin and felt like an intense panic attack. I'd wanted to run away. BY the time they decided what to do with my migraine I was so distraught and overwhelmed I was screaming I just wanted to go home. WHen the poor nurse gently touched my shoulder and arm to provide comfort I jumped out of my skin and screamed DONT TOUCH ME!
I said I coudn't deal with the noise, the light. I just wanted out of my misery.
Since it was the middle of the night they had an unused exam room on the other side of the ZEV and they put in there, closed the lights. There's no loud intercom in there, so it was less bad. They put another IV and despite my protests that tylenol does little other then seriously upset my stomach, I was given 1000mg of Tylenol and 500mg of Naproxen. The IV was both liquids for dehydration and Sumatriptan to kill migraine.
Once the IV was done, doctor came back asked if I was better. At best I got 20%. I could open my eyes in semi darkness with my sunglasses on! WOO! SO he sent me home with prescription for 4000mg tylenol a day 1000mg Naproxen and the Sumatriptan if the migraine seemed to come back.
He also made some stupid side remark about not giving morphine for migraines? Who the fuck asked for morphine? I was even resistant to plain PAINmeds, not because I want the OPIODS, I want non pill solutions...
Anyways... It was 3am when I got home, I fell asleep and slept till 2. We went to Costco since I decided to use the Pharmacy there from now on. Got the pills and my stomach was on fire.
I managed to go to work on Monday. Tried really hard I had new interns starting. Running some old DOS diag tests, that included moving lines, reset off the migraine with a vengeance.
The Migraine from Hell and other horror stories: Part I
It started off with a day at the office where the temperature was vacillating between 27 and 28 C but it was under 10C outside. I was dressed for the cold weather. Which made it unbearable. By the end of the day I was completely crashed. That was April 26th
I ended up hiding in my sewing room in the dark and in the quiet. My ears were ringing pretty bad and my eyes were burning. The burning eyes had happened at least 3 times in the past week, the tinnitus is there so often I don't notice it unless it's really bad or really quiet. HA quiet. Work has become 10 times noisier, what between my favourite helicopter, the HP DL380 Gen 10, or my 2nd favourite the Dell R740, both which reside near my desk and sound like a motherfucking helicopter when they power on. And depending on the mode you're running it, could be helicopter all the time.
But I digress, then there's was the fear of being flooded. KNOCK ON WOOD, all the repairs done in 2017 have held up and no water seepage has been observed. Even the sump pump hole water level is low. But with another heavy rain storm Im staying vigilant. We checked the sump pump hole every half hour at some points. To keep my anxiety at bay.
I spent Saturday and Sunday hiding in my sewing room feeling super dizzy and nauseous and becoming more light and sound sensitive. I stayed home monday and Tuesday, managed Wednesday and Thursday.. but Thursday AGAIN the heat. I went to therapist. He could see I was off and agitated. I crashed so bad when I got home from that appointment. Friday I was home again in the dark and quiet but it was so bad. so bad. I just lay in bed in a semi catatonic state hoping it would get better. I couldn't even handle anything moving around me. Vibrations made me ill. It's not pain it causes but I get so uncomfortable I can't function.
After spending all of Saturday in bed in the dark and quiet again Terry insisted on the ER. He'd been bugging me for days but I kept hoping it would pass. My migraines have always passed alone with sleep, quiet and dark, This one not so much.
I ended up hiding in my sewing room in the dark and in the quiet. My ears were ringing pretty bad and my eyes were burning. The burning eyes had happened at least 3 times in the past week, the tinnitus is there so often I don't notice it unless it's really bad or really quiet. HA quiet. Work has become 10 times noisier, what between my favourite helicopter, the HP DL380 Gen 10, or my 2nd favourite the Dell R740, both which reside near my desk and sound like a motherfucking helicopter when they power on. And depending on the mode you're running it, could be helicopter all the time.
But I digress, then there's was the fear of being flooded. KNOCK ON WOOD, all the repairs done in 2017 have held up and no water seepage has been observed. Even the sump pump hole water level is low. But with another heavy rain storm Im staying vigilant. We checked the sump pump hole every half hour at some points. To keep my anxiety at bay.
I spent Saturday and Sunday hiding in my sewing room feeling super dizzy and nauseous and becoming more light and sound sensitive. I stayed home monday and Tuesday, managed Wednesday and Thursday.. but Thursday AGAIN the heat. I went to therapist. He could see I was off and agitated. I crashed so bad when I got home from that appointment. Friday I was home again in the dark and quiet but it was so bad. so bad. I just lay in bed in a semi catatonic state hoping it would get better. I couldn't even handle anything moving around me. Vibrations made me ill. It's not pain it causes but I get so uncomfortable I can't function.
After spending all of Saturday in bed in the dark and quiet again Terry insisted on the ER. He'd been bugging me for days but I kept hoping it would pass. My migraines have always passed alone with sleep, quiet and dark, This one not so much.
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