I understand why my youngest daughter never talks to me. I was toxic to her as a child like my aunt was toxic to me. It's ok. She's better off without me in her life at this point
I've stopped trying to connect. My attempts are always awkward and I'm sure I always say the wrong thing. Each time I fail I beat myself up more and nothing ever improves.
I love her very much and hope she's well and happy . I wish her all the best.
Made inspired by dresses my mom & I wore in the 1960's. My new dress in cotton lace lined in double gauze. Colour inspired by mom.
I vented earlier this week about the nightmare it has been to both buy and sell a house at the same time, and how stressful packing is in a woman's autism group I've been a member for years. One of my first Black friends who's also autistic had joined a few years back upon my suggestion. When she saw my post she offered to come and help me pack on Saturday. Being myself who doesn't ask for help and doesn't quite know how to accept help, I originally declined. She offered again for Monday. Then it hit me hard. She wasn't just offering to help, it was her way to see me also before I moved away. Turns out her neighbors are also moving to Nova Scotia and she was feeling it hard.
So I accepted her offer. Then I also realized that like grandpa and I, offering help is also part of our love language. Anyways I'm super happy I figured it out and accepted her help. It was all kinds of awesome talking to her. Found out her brother [RIP] lived 5 minutes away from where I am. He was my first Black friend. We met online BBSes because we both wrote erotica and people wanted us to write a story together. We wrote a few and became good friends after that.
We hadn't seen each other in person in 30 years. The last time being at the reservoir at a baseball game. She was 16 at the time and I loved reading her online. Loved the way she wrote and communicated. She offered to spent time with my daughters to give me a bit of breathing space .It had been significant for me because afterwards I had a long talk about racism with my daughters who were 4 and 5 at the time. It had been significant for her as she met the person who was going to be her bf for years, but who was also a real big time lying, manipulative jerk. I knew the guy and had a small fling with him at some point and looking at the timeline it was probably while she was his gf.
I love how with some people I can just pick up and it's like you never missed a beat.
She made clearing the shed fun. I'm always worried that if I accept help from a friend I'm going to lose a friend because the way we work might be too different. In the end we worked amazingly well together. We both wore masks even though we're fully vaccinated because her two little ones can't be. So even though we spent most of our time outside and 6ft apart [except for the arrival and departure hugs] we stayed masked. I got to see her beautiful smile when she got into her vehicle and she really hasn't changed a bit except for a few white hairs. Her daughter told her recently that she isn't supposed to look like a grandma until she's one.
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