Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Feeling pretty pissed this morning

What kind of idiot drains a sump pump line 11 ft away from house in the middle of the front lawn? There's already a sizable puddle after 24hours. How is this going to protect my house in case of heavy rains and high water tables? It's also going to make a giant ice sculpture on my front lawn when it freezes!

My previous sump pump line went straight into the city's storm sewer at the end of my property. He has the nerve to tell me he can't connect there since he can't go on city property. 

Well hello. I had a line going to the storm sewer, of which the part on city property was installed by the city. It's still there. I can still connect to it. Or alternatively my neighbour just got his entire property landscaped after installing a pipe going from his back yard to the storm drain to get rid of his backyard swamp and I have his blessing to connect to it, if the idiot doesn't want to dig to find my old line....

EITHER WAY he will not see $$ until the sump pumps are connected to the storm drain. There will be no sump pump draining on the middle of my front fucking lawn!

I'm pretty pissed. If he had told me he'd be draining in the middle of my front lawn I would have hired a different contractor.   I mean I don't know any woman who wants a swamp on the front lawn of her property. 

Thursday, November 16, 2017

McCall's 6315 from 20 years back.....

McCalls 6315 from the early 1990's
I used to love this pattern. I've made probably 2 dresses and 2 "jumpsuits".  The 2nd jumpsuit I'd started probably in 1994 or 1995 but never finished it. That had been sitting in a sewing machine drawer for the past 20 years easily. I have no interest in having a jumpsuit so I turned it into a dress.  It is baggish like most 1990's dresses but still fit awesome.

IT's a horrible picture and a bit fuzzy. The dress is made from a soft Rayon challis, Teal with pink and burgundy flowers. The print was so pretty that's what finally convinced me to turn it in to a dress.

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

More finds on MK Ultra

I'm posting about this to keep track of all the articles I've found so far and all the information I can find. Yesterday I also found a woman who's grandma was at the Allen Memorial who does art to explain her grandma.

Yet another perturbing article

More on MK Ultra

And then I found this article on another website that said

"Dr. Doyle concluded concerning plaintiff Jean-Charles Pagé, that "[n]othing in Mr. Pagé's medical records indicates that he was a candidate for any of these procedures" which were "not accepted forms of treatment but were clearly experimental procedures...." Dr. Doyle continued in his affidavit, "the harsh physical procedures, high doses of drugs and the experimental techniques used on Mr. Pagé would inevitably cause injury to his mental and physical health."

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Retro dress with Butterick 3223

Soft Rayon print made with Butterick 3223
I absolutely love this Butterick pattern from the mid 1990s I've made several dresses with it in the past few years, but none just in plain rayon woven. I've made it totally in stretch knit, and as well as top in stretch knit and skirt in woven.  I love how it fits exactly how I left it in the mid 1990s in a woven.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Knowing is half of the battle!

I was asked if knowing I was on the Autism spectrum makes any difference?  It sure does.  I spent most of my life thinking there was something horribly wrong with me. That I was broken. I suppose I'm intelligent enough to notice I never fit in.

The thing about autism is that it really does explain all of my quirks. From the sensory processing disorder, things like I really despise having water drops fall on me, yes I HATE taking showers, I hate having my hair touched or played with and I definitely don't like being touched by people I do not know. I don't even like being touched by people I do know unless I'm in a good space!

It explains the OCD. Why I'm rigid and I have to do some things in certain ways. At least I'm just rigid for myself. When I train others I show them how I work but tell them if they find a better method that works for them they can use it.  My OCD is not the type that if I don't do it that way I will die, or something bad will happen. It's an OCD where I just need to do things a certain way just because I'm me.

I'm rigid in that certain things have to be done a certain way. I need to plan ahead to know what's coming so that I'm not a completely nervous anxious mess. The thing that freaks me out the most is going to new places where I've never been. For instance the court case in April in de Salaberry. I was so nervous before and during. I nearly broke Terry's hand I held it so tight.

Or like my first day at my first full time job at The Quebec Real Estate Association, where my first husband took me to the front door, holding my hand and told me I could do it. He was right, I did it for a year.  Also probably why I've been at the same company for 25 years.

I have all sorts of anxiety, in fact I have generalized anxiety disorder. The minute something goes off my expected script I get anxious. I can't explain why I get anxious but I know it's been paralyzing me with fear since I was a small child. It's why I've been known to stay home entire week-ends and spend them in bed.  I suspect too that too much anxiety sends me to be overwhelmed.

Next, I get overwhelmed. I can only handle so many things, so many constraints or things that are unexpected. This is why 2017 has been so hard. The court case, the cancer diagnosis, the flooded basement,  the car accident, the cancer surgery... like enough already. I haven't processed much of anything.  And because there's been so much I have been so overwhelmed that I can't even reach out to people. I really haven't talked to anyone and I'm so overwhelmed after work sometimes that it ends up causing fights with Terry. He tells me he moved one item in the house or cleaned a room and it freaks me out.  Because it's another fucking change.  He's been so nice in helping me and I spend half of my time freaking out because something has moved.

And the meltdowns and times I freak out.. It's not to get my way! It's because I'm fucking overwhelmed.   I've spent most of 2017 overwhelmed. Usually what helps me is my hobbies.  I've used sewing a lot this year because I've had such severe social anxiety at times I can't leave home, or I've been too overwhelmed to leave home.  So not much photography. I couldn't go camping either, my head still hurts due to the surgery.

Its also why at times I need to be alone, to regroup, to calm down, to get less overwhelmed.

I love the show "The big Bang Theory". Mostly because the social misfits of the engineering types fit with me. I've spent half of my life hanging out with men with those quirks. I found Sheldon a bit much at times, especially with the "My spot"  for instance .But I'm like that too! For at least where I sleep in my house.   And the fact Sheldon will knock 3 times and call a person's name. I don't do that, but I feel the need to explain things in several different ways to make sure I'm understood. I've always done that.....

It explains why I've worked 25 years where I am in a large  computer manufacturing company, where people with autism manage to fit in. I am sure  25% of my colleagues are also on the spectrum.  I've identified the ones the most like me, who understand and or accept me as I am and do great team work with me. They see how skilled I am at my job, just like I  admire their mad skills at their job.  I learn best from them usually too as they explain things in ways I understand.

It explains why I am more comfortable around animals than humans. Cats find me. Always, everywhere I go.  And it's love at first sight!  And not just house cats, sometimes bigger ones like Lynx find me.  And animals rarely ever threaten me. Usually we are instant friends.

It explains why I spent a huge portion of my life thinking I was "faking it". I wasn't really, but because I have to hide who I am for the most part to fit in and not make waves, it's exhausting. And outing myself to others often finishes with losing friends. Very few people stick around after they get to know the real me. Not the one they see from time to time, but the in depth one.

Terry doesn't care what label I have, he says he loves me for being me. Quirks and all. And because I am who I am I wonder if this is true. It's hard for me to accept that someone could really love me for me. Though knowing I am on the spectrum certainly helps. I know that I am just the way I'm meant to be.  I'm just not neuro-typical.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

I hold tons of anger towards my biological dad.

Who wouldn't? I mean he tried to kill his 2 and a half year old daughter when she was sleeping!!! What monster does that?

It hit me in the past few days, reading in the newspaper that a woman had been compensated by the Canadian government for the tests done on her mother at the Allen Memorial.  My dad was one of the folks who was used as a guinea pig by the CIA. His name appears in the article about Dr Cameron in Wikipedia. 

Quoted from an article in the New Scientist from 1986
 This is text I found in a book with a google search about my biological dad.  I wonder if the daughter he is noted to be estranged from is me?  I wonder if I can find books that goes more in detail.  And the comment that he couldn't even read anymore... My dad had a high IQ and was offered bursary to go to university as a young man from a poor family because he was gifted.

Here I was thinking all these years he was a monster, when maybe it wasn't all the alcohol but really the stuff he suffered at the Allen memorial that made him try to kill me?

I've spent part of an afternoon watching "The sleep room".

Found an article declassified by the CIA back in 2011, about my dad and what he suffered at the Allan Memorial

Was sent this link as well, for further reading.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

This is how you spend more than 50 years of your life without knowing you are autistic!

Yesterday I went to my therapist.  I did years ago both the MMPI and IQ tests after he diagnosed the ADHD and we went through the results again. Apparently there are new ways to interpret the MMPI and so he had an assistant put in his computer and had it processed electronically.

When I did the IQ test years ago all he told me was that I was way above normal. That doesn't mean much as normal is 100. Also between 95% of the population fall between 75 and 130. As it turns out I have very superior IQ, being that my score is 135.

This is consistent with other relatives.  My biological dad's IQ score is in the 130's.   I had Izzy tested when she was 3 and a half, not particularly to know her IQ but because she is born 7 days after the cut off for school and I felt it would be a shame that she would miss a year for 7 days. So she was tested. Her IQ ranges between 140 and 160.  I don't recall exact numbers, but there was a verbal and non verbal test done.  And one test she was in the 140's one test she was in the 160's.  This puts her closer to genius level.  I'm sure Sam is also in the same range between 130-160.  She was never tested but fits right in with the rest of us.

Here's something interesting, have you ever met someone with a high IQ who had good social skills? It seems the higher your intelligence the more awkward and less social skills you have? Which made me ask if all geniuses were almost always on the Autism spectrum?!?!? I was reading not too long ago that three times more autistic people have savant gifts than neurotypical people. I find it fascinating.

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Soft Rayon florals are all the rage this fall.

Butterick 4281
This pattern dates from the mid 1990's but the styles from then are back in style now.  This pattern is perfect for making Rayon dresses. The last one I made of this model goes to my ankle. When I assembled this one, I made mistake originally and had the front pieces backwards which made the dress fit lopsided. I realized my mistake and fixed it, but the front still seems a bit uneven.

Monday, November 06, 2017

Vintage Simplicity pattern with particularly ugly rayon print.

Made with Simplicity7243 from 1990's
I don't know what possessed me to buy this fabric other than I liked the texture. The print is horrible. I wouldn't even have a couch made out of this print!

Saturday, November 04, 2017

Domino's gluten free veggie feast

So turns out Domino's makes a pretty good gluten free pizza with veggie toppings. I ordered one on Saturday night and while we were waiting we decided to go check out the work that was finished by the plumber in the basement the day before. So we missed the pizza delivery. We had to call and get the guy to come back. They said they called. Yeah, the cell phone was on my bed upstairs in the bedroom. We were in the basement near the furnace. The pizza is delicious. I recommend their veggie feast gluten free.

Friday, November 03, 2017

I'm finally protected against sewage backup.

Integra Plumbing came on Friday to fix some of my problems.  They dug out my hole in my basement and put a backup valve, this way water goes out but does not come in, even if the water rises.  While I had him there he changed the valve for the main water line coming into the house. He had me call the city the day before to close the water going to the house and the minute they arrived, he told the guy, wait 2 minutes, changed the valve and had the guy reopen the water before he left. So we had water.

He also changed the lid to the pipe next to the main water line. He put a backup valve on the pipe in the garage as well. This way when I do get around to selling my house I can say I have backup valves everywhere.

He also changed the two water taps that were on either side of the house, with taps that just close and will never freeze.

When it was time to put the backup valve on the main pipe in my house, he had to fish it because it was completely blocked. That cost an extra $150 but the good thing was he fished it all the way to the street, and then some and my pipe is still structurally sound.  If I'd have had to change it , would have cost $3000.   It also seems that my french drains are ok. When the plumber originally surveyed my property he said he would be really surprised if my pipe was damaged because I do not have big trees of the time that damage pipes.

He was right. All the work was done by 1 pm, and his price was pretty much what he had verbally quoted me, plus the $150 fishing plus the tax.

Thursday, November 02, 2017

Love this dress made with Burda 7798

I'd been experimenting with the two Burda patterns because I wanted to make a dress with this black and red Rayon I had. Turned out spectacular. THe only difficulty was the damn zipper. It was bubbling because the fabric was on the BIAS. I read that you can use interfacing under the zipper and it helps to stableize. I still found it bubbling a bit, but it was much better. My friend Mado at work suggested that since I'm short and tiny, next time I use a 45cm instead of a 55cm zipper. With 10 cm shorter it won't bubble on my butt.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

I got her no tie shoe laces

I bought Zoey some HomarTech No tie shoelaces for her Vans. I'm not sure why she can't tie her shoelaces but I figured finding laces that she could use without tying them would be great as she is now in high school.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Mc Calls dress

McCalls M7349
Dress made last week with a Mc Calls pattern

Monday, October 30, 2017

A tale of 2 Burda's with photos.

Burda 6685

Burda 7798

You can't tell the shirt fits like shit. It's too tight across my arms and chest, I couldn't wear it for a day. The dress looks good but that's because you don't see the rear end.  When I made the red/black winter version, when I put in the zipper, I realized that putting zippers on BIAS fabric is no easy feat if you don't want to have it bubble over your butt. 

Going to fabricville today to pick up some black interfacing to put a strip of it to stablize the fabric before putting the zipper on. Hopefully that will work. The red & black dress is awesome.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

A tale of two Burda patterns - 7798 vs 6685

So it seems like I bought twice the same Burda pattern. But there are subtle differences.  The first pattern I bought was the Burda 6685.  I made a long sleeved shirt with a Rayon left over. For one I made it size 6 and secondly I also forgot rayon shifts and I recut it better. BIG MISTAKE. It's too tight around the shoulders. Fits funny.

Then I bought the Burda 7798 and while I was considering using it, I realized it was the same or almost same as the Burda 6685. One big difference though is that the skirt is on the diagonal. It actually helps with the fit and makes for interesting play on fabric if you are using a lined print. Also they don't suggest exactly the same fabrics. One suggests cottons, crepes and linens whereas the other suggests cotton, crepes and rayons.

Overall it is the same pattern I find, though it appears like they were drawn by a different person. The top pieces are not identical and I feel the 7798 fits better overall.  When I get a chance I will take photos of the dress and shirt I made with the 7798 and 6685 respectively.

Bill 62 is islamaphobic.

So a woman in a NIQAB would have to remove it to get services in a hospital but I'm forced to put a surgical mask on while waiting in the same hospital room because of my nasty asthma cough that people think is contagious!


And what of my PAB Boyfriend. Right now if he's dealing with an infectious patient he needs to don a mask. But with this law, he wouldn't be allowed in a room with a patient without the patient seeing his face....

Also will I be able to wear said surgical mask in the bus or metro? Some people with weak immune system do this on a regular basis but they would be breaking the law!

And surgeons, will they be allowed the full covering during surgery? It's not allowed in hospitals to give AND receive services! I mean who knows my surgeon might be a Muslima hiding in hospital scrubs because she can't wear her burka!

Ask yourself this, how many women wear a Bukra or Niqab in Quebec. Maybe 50-100. Is it really such a big fucking deal? 

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Sewers have not been cleaned since May floods

Sewer at end of my property. Water is 18" down. Normally if I see it, it's about 6ft down.
Terry brought to my attention today that the sewers were nearly full. Still. Now I  know the water table can be pretty high here, it rained a lot this summer after the floods of the spring, but really the sewers should not be this full.

I can't believe that on streets where residents got flooded or sewage backed into their homes, or water came in through the sewers, that they didn't even bother CLEANING the sewers . I just filled a complaint with Pierrefonds public works this morning.

Got someone in yesterday to give me estimate on fixing the large crack in my foundation that I discovered after the basement was bared as well as reinstalling sump pumps,  and got a plumber in today to put in backup valves as I'm still getting sewage coming up in my basement.  Could be related too the the full sewers!

Friday, October 20, 2017

Made my first lobster roll

Terry fell so in love with Lobster rolls that we ended up making our very own lobster rolls for dinner.

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

He loves it

My little putz looks like he was surfing in my bedroom. He loves to sit on my gizmo to kneel on :)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

He's a helpful kitty

Toby was helping me out cut pattern for making scrubs for Terry

Friday, October 13, 2017


The never ending headache. THat never goes away. Oh it goes away for a few hours and then comes back with a vengence.  I have no patience any more.  Where is my quality of life?

There are days I so regret having the stupid MOHS surgery.  No one told me it was going to be months of head aches.  And to make it all better today, I have cold sores in my nose.  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I'm constantly tired. I can't do anything I like, because my head hurts. Life sucks.