Izzy is going to be OK

So turns out the lump over her cerebellum was 2, yes 2 abscesses

Izzy said to me last night "Surgery went well. It's an infection, no tumour or cancer. Lots of antibiotics in my future but generally good news".

She will be seeing the infectious disease doctor in the following days, as she also had 2 cysts in her armpits in the fall. That seems odd to get cysts and abscesses all in a short time.

My baby is at the neurological institute like WTF

So Izzy messaged me yesterday to say that she'd had the mother of all headaches for days and went to hospital, they did CT scan and found a bump over her cerebellum.  So they sent her to the neurological institute where they are monitoring her until they can operate.  They are also supposed to give her an MRI to know more.

Like WTF?????

Sick of being Sick

About a month ago I spent the night at the Lakeshore and it was determined I had pneumonia.  Then I spent a week in antibiotic hell. The pains I had following the taking of the meds was epic. I missed 3 days of work that week I felt so crappy.  Then there was the visit to the Superhospital on the 27th. Since then I developed what I would characterize as bronchitis. I has such a nasty cough and fluids in my lungs I started taking my asthma pump, which I had not taken since 2010 or 2011.

Yesterday it seems that I'm either catching a cold or some other infection. My sinuses are now completely blocked and I had green mucus, which leads me to think I still have some infection.

That being said, I can't see my grand daughter. I'm not going to make my daughter and granddaughter sick with some virus I'm harbouring. But it really sucks the big one.

2016 has sucked for my health. Spent 2 months healing a broken rib, stupid thing still hurts at times when I cough. I also look forward to seeing XRAY of those. According to the lung specialist I have "overlapping" ribs.

Seeing the lung specialist on the 28th of November. Hopefully I will not end up again at the emergency at the Lakeshore. That would suck balls.

Toby visits the vet

Resting last night after eating

He had  41 of fever which the vet said was high for cat and that it is more likely to be a viral infection than bacterial because it was that high. Other options were failed organs, and I was offered to get him a blood test, but declined that since he's only 18 months. Usually failed organs happen to older animals.

 He was xrayed as we thought he might have eaten ribbon and his stomach was found to be full while his bowels empty suggesting there might be blockage. Occasionally a high fever will cause body to shut down. So two.might be related

Was given injection to bring down fever and hydration pack. Was also fed beads which will show where any blockage might be if his stomach stays full.

He ate the minute he got home, suggesting his fever broke. He at 3-4 times over the course of evening and night, and slept well on the bed at my feet.

This morning he was far more lively then yesterday and even played a little. Then he's sit around and howl a little. I bet his tummy is still hurting some. Hopefully he will pass stool and we will know he is just fine.
 

Little putz isn't well today

Taking Toby to the vet after work today because he isn't well. He's been listless since this morning, maybe even last night. His belly seems to hurt.

I suspect he ate something he should not have.  Here's a photo with his bandana when he was still feeling well...

I love Dennis Leary!

Yesterday I woke up at my friends place but had zero energy. I couldn't even get up with the alarm. I slept another 3 hours before I had the energy to call in sick. Spent half of the day either vegging or sleeping. Got home around 9:30 and managed to do 2 loads of laundry before crashing again.

I ended up catching a cold the week-end I helped Julia move. It's been bugging me as a sore throat on my right and right sore ear. It's been over a week. When it hurts I'm super phlegmmy.

One thing that always puts me in a good mood no matter what is Dennis Leary's skit, "My Kids". It's part of Lock &  load....

It's been a month

It was March 18th where I could not handle it anymore, and around 3:30 I went home from work, overwhelmed, weak, tired, anxious.

At first it was a physical malaise, or at least it was the physical that was feeling weak. Now it's been a month, and my body is fine, it's my mind.

The past few months I've revisited so much of my life, and now I'm processing stuff that happened when I was 6 years old. My uncle's death seemed to make it worse. It's left me with such severe social anxiety I'm having a hard time functioning.

If I go out for an hour to run errands then I need a 4 hour nap to recover from the stress and anxiety. I've asked my Lebanese ex some help to get through this, including with paperwork and him doing paperwork on my behalf wears me out.

It is incredibly hard to admit as a strong alpha female, and as an independent articulate woman, that I need help. That alone, I will not get through this. Some is stuff I should have processed years ago, but having someone yell at me how I should be feeling or telling me  that what I'm feeling is wrong, has never helped. Now I can face it in my own time, and without anyone making fun of my feelings. Making fun of someone's feelings is stupid. You don't know the person. By making fun of how they feel you make it even harder for them to process, now the feeling is joined by anxiety or panicky state. With time the anxiety seems to increase exponentially.

I've recently  realized the extent   I suffer from social anxiety. It explains why I needed husband #1 to walk me to the door of my first job, hold my hand to there and tell me it was going to be ok, while I cried and shook uncontrollably. I did fine at that job. In fact I went beyond their expectations and they used me in the office for more then I was hired. My 2nd job I wasn't so frightened on the first day.

Heck when I started my current job, I remember the first few months how afraid I was to get lost in the building.Today when I think I have to go back to work, I think of all the people I'm going to run through int he hallways and people are going to say "SO how was your vacation?" Or worse "How are you doing"? " The question I don't want to answer. I dunno how I'm doing. Do you want an honest answer or just a smile and nod as I walk past you at 1000 miles per hour.

I think I will put a sign over my desk that says "I'm fine. Please don't ask how I'm doing or if I'm ok. I don't want to discuss that with ANYONE!!!"

Tomorrow at 11 am I will be going to get my winter tires off. After which I hope to go to a long walk in the woods. Maybe along the trail near the Riviere des Prairies that goes to the "Rapides du Cheval Blanc" and the bridge to Ile Bigras.  It's a cool place in spring before the mosquitoes come out.  I hope the walk in the wilderness will lift my spirits and help with the anxiety.

Poor sleep

What a day. Didn't get to sleep till 4am, but then really didn't sleep much, and was up by 9am. My stomach was having another one of them days. I still have mounds of pots and pans from Sunday but no motivation to do anything.

Eventually after dosing in and out of sleep in my chair part of the afternoon, I went to sleep around 4 and slept straight till 11pm. Of course that's not going to help me sleep tonight, but this nap was longer then most of my nights sleep in the past week.

I felt badly, I was invited to dinner that evening but I could not bear thinking about going out in the pissing rain with the nausea and all. 

Perhaps the stress of the holidays. Hopefully my tummy troubles are going to be over soon.

Yay Facebook.....

So in excess of 80 people wished me a  happy birthday on Facebook, some on my wall, some in private messages, some with cute little videos, some with cute cards, and even an ex with his brothers computer. I should mention even my youngest first cousin took the time to wish me a happy birthday and tell me that we may not communicate much but he loves to follow what I do on facebook. I know how that feels, I love to just know what people are up to and that they seem happy.

Also got a few emails, phone calls and even someone stopped at my door to give me a birthday hug.

Close to 100 people wished me happy birthday. Which was a shitty day, made less shitty by the fact that many people took the time to think about me.

After the big hug from my friend I took a nap from 5pm to 10 pm. When I woke up around 10ish I felt a lot better. Finally felt human. I had a long chat with a friend and went off to bed feeling good, I hope she felt the same way.

Sadly I have yet to cook for my Yule dinner on Sunday the 21st, but you know what? I will come home early most days except for today I have therapist appointment at 6.

I'm going to cook some of the food some nights this week and it will all work out. No point in panicking. ANd I can also cut the menu if I think I can't pull it off. This would stress me out a lot other years not this year.

Yay Asthma.

Soon winter vacation will be upon us. It won't be too soon. Toronto left a bitter taste in my mouth and I was sick for some time afterwards. I'm still clearing my lungs of mucus. It's weird because I hardly have a cough, but I'm still taking two swings of Buckleys "Coughs and Congestion" two to three times a day.

What I've found is it helps with the lung congestion a great deal, and instead of coughing unproductively forever, with the Buckleys I'm coughing productively very infrequently.  Of course not used to this so I skip taking a dose of Buckleys and then I end up with mild asthma attacks later on.

With this series of infections I've had coming back from Toronto I've almost emptied 3 x 100ml of Buckleys. I have 2 bottles that probably have 2-3 more doses left and one I finished already. Good thing I stocked up on Buckleys in Toronto before I got sick and then again at Walmart the first week I was back home.

Yes I *hate* Walmart for everything it stands for. Making poor people poorer. But I have to say, the meds that I can't find anywhere else I can often find in the Pharmacy at Walmart. Like Buckleys Coughs and Congestion when it was hardest to find, and Rougiers "Strawberry Extract", which keeps my tummy happy when it's unhappy.

I can't believe I fell asleep on my couch around 8ish last night up until midnight where I got up, migrated to bed and went right  back to sleep, even Toby crashed quickly.  I didn't wake up till 3:45 and then fell back asleep until the alarm around 6ish. I know I needed the sleep, I had one night this week-end I didn't sleep, though I took nap both Saturday late afternoon and Sunday late afternoon.  Finally catching up on the sleep I hadn't gotten since Toronto.

I feel Blearrrrrrrrrrrgh

I woke up around 4 this morning needing to get to the bathroom really fast. And a few more times since. I wonder if I picked that one up from co-worker with whom I travelled, or in Toronto itself, as we went to malls, restaurants, hotels....  but I'm not well.

I thought I'd fought off the cold saliently. Other then sore throat on/off the past week-end I was feeling, ok, though a bit worn out.  The trip to Toronto sucked the life out of me. 

At least I got lots of hugs and cuddles  and tlc from my friends in Kingsbury. I always feel so much better after spending time with them.  Their company helps me recharge batteries. I also love sitting next to a fire, that recharges my batteries. nothing like sitting in front of a fire for a fire sign :)

Today I'm feeling particularly alone. Today I'd actually like to be mothered. It doesn't happen often that I feel this way. Or that I can vocalize it.  I generally don't allow others to help me, or to mother me. I'm particularly vulnerable as well because I'm not feeling well. Usually I have a huge wall around me of grump especially when I feel off, as it makes me vulnerable, today, not so much.

I've often been reproached that I don't let others in or let them help me. There's so many reasons, but ultimately I think part of it is I hear in my head "you got in this mess, you get out of this mess yourself", then there's the pride thing that kicks in, I'm strong I can get through anything and then there's the fact I'm emotionally needy or so I'm told and I can't gauge that. And in most likelihood I'm probably all or nothing, too emotional and needy with some and too together and independent with others. There's the fact that if I just break down and let someone in, all the walls come down, all the filters come down and all the flooding comes, I'm going to be a mess for hours, more intense than anyone could handle, including my mom. 

 Probably a good thing I'm seeing therapist tonight. I can reason a lot of this out. This along with those trust issues.

Read a really good article the other day about boundaries. I really never want a co-dependent relationship again. It's so not good for me. I'm guessing it's not good for anyone, but I know it's particularly bad for me.

Mooooving on. well I still feel blearghhh. Going to see if my blueberry oatmeal is in an eatable state at this point. and then going back to bed. Maybe I'll feel better next time I wake up?  One can hope.

Torana sucks....

Not happy camper this morning. My laptop crashed coming out of sleep and now just boots to a desktop in safe mode.

I fell asleep early cause i felt like crap and was awake at 2 am. Could not get back to sleep.  Was up at 5 am. My back is twingy, im nursing a fucking cold sore in my right nostril and i developed a mouth sore too. Some food i ate past few days did not agree with me.

I just hope the nausea subsides after  breakfast cause a5 hour drive with nausea sucks. 

Some things change way too slowly.

I've blogged before about the inhumane treatment of workers from Asia  in Dubai and the UAE. Where people are treated like slaves. Well the practice isn't limited to UAE, Saudi Arabia is just as bad if not worse.

Read the story of this Ethiopian maid. She is just one of many abused in KSA. This should come as no surprise to many, this country doesn't even allow WOMEN to drive, so the fact they treat foreign workers like slaves is not particularly surprising, though quite disappointing in 2014.

Those who would argue that it's the fault of Islam would be wrong. Sadly in KSA, tribal rules apply more then Islam, even though they shroud everything under the guise of Islam . I mean they are the only country in the world where women cannot drive and there are over 1.5 billion Muslims on this earth, of which there are less then 30 million Saudi's.  Just sayin.....

Loving those vitamin C cubes

I checked for fun my blog last year and I was sick through part of my vacation. This year knock on wood, I've fought off a few things, but not gotten flu or cold yet.  Still fighting something, have had a cold sore since the 26th. I've had a few days where I was particularly lethargic too. Since I'm on vacation and had no plans I just enjoyed doing very little.

I just made another batch of vitamin C cubes.  I'm having one or two of them with most of my beverages. Be it some Tetley decaf Earl grey tea or Perrier. I'm really enjoying them as it seems that it is keeping me healthier then taking vitamins. I'm also guessing the little bit of citrus pulp I'm drinking does great things for my  entire digestive track as well.  The last batch I made I also added limes. So there was 3 limes, 2 clementines, 2 lemons, 2 oranges and 1 grapefruit. I cooked it gently for over 24 hours.  Mostly because I needed steam in the kitchen and I was enjoying the smell of cooking citrus with spices  and removing some of the dryness in the house. I had cloves, cinnamon and ginger  as spices. After it cooks I can't really taste it.

Today I have to make fruit and nut bars for me for the week and also at least one Salad that I can have at lunch time next week.

Vitamin C ice cubes

I've been complaining that I'd just realized that my favourite cough drops now contain aspartame and I really don't want it in my body. I'm sensitive to all sort of additives, this one is probably no exception. Probably one of the causes of my night time headaches.

So my buddy in Ireland suggested boiling citrus with cloves and adding honey to make some form of beverage to help my throat.

 

Perrier and Vitamin C cube.

I took his suggestion first washed 1 grapefruit, 2 clementines, 2 oranges and 2 lemons.  Once well scrubbed, I cut them into small quarters without ever peeling them. Put it in a pot cover will water, and I added 40 cloves. It actually has a bit of a cloves taste. You can also add cinnamon stick and ginger as well, both are also helpful, I personally don't care for either.  I readded water a few times.


The pot in my photo was my first batch. Hadn't put enough water or cloves in that one.  Once I deemed it cook, I let it cool down. Then I drain it, so there are no more clove pieces or peel/pith pieces of the citrus fruits.

I then put it in ice cube trays and froze them.  So when I need a cough drop, I put one or two squares in a mug, warm them up in the microwave and either add to perrier or my tea. Of course you can just use it as ice cubes to cool down your drink or even suck on.  Most would find them really bitter as I added no sugar. Most would add honey to the mixture when using. I like it as is.

Since using 2-3 cubes a night, it really helps my throat and keeps me away from the cough drops.

Vitamin C ice cubes.

Tidbits for THursday.

I'm finally feel a bit better. Will probably not be on muscle relaxants today. My back isn't twinging this morning. But I'm sure by 2pm it will be. I was at work yesterday, though not particularly productive. However it was good that I went, as I ended up having 4 interviews that morning and my partner in crime didn't come in the morning, as he was meeting a new pediatrician for his son.  So I did the interviews alone. Most of them this time around I did alone. I liked 2 out of the 4 I saw yesterday a lot and that sucks because I only have 1 position left opened.  However I cannot complain, this is the most students that have applied for a winter internship.

Interestingly, I've noticed we get more students that were originally living in France. They either recently migrated and redoing their engineering degree, or alternatively studying in both France and Quebec depending on the year.   I've actually had one in an interview say to us because we started the conversation in English, that "aren't we in Quebec, shouldn't we speak French?".  Yeah. That didn't impress anyone. He was very full of himself. And where his comment shot him in the foot, is that I was called later and asked if this student spoke any English. When I mentioned his comment, he didn't get offered a job someone was considering him for, but hadn't checked his English skills.

I can't believe Montreal has bought an armoured car? To what end? To use against a few protesting students?  I know Montrealers like to protest but seriously, an armoured car?  Our tax dollars at work.

Lopsided and tender

I made a point of not moving much last night. Moving was the difficulty so staying put was easy.  I still woke up this morning in pain and now it's primarily on my right side. To the point when I stand I'm completely lopsided.

Decided to stay home today. The effort required to move in that much pain is exhausting, I didn't sleep much the past few nights due to the pain, so going to try getting some sleep.

Last week or two weeks ago, I joined TWOO, which seems to have merged with Netlog, which used to have a name so close to Facebook that I originally mistook it for Facebook back in 2007. Not sure how much I like TWOO especially since using my hotmail to login , it took my over 200 contacts in hotmail and messaged each and every one of them. Without my permission. It says it asks. BULLSHIT.

There are people I've emailed with hotmail I would NEVER want to connect with ever. People I blocked even! I know it sent invites to everyone because it sent invites to my other email addresses. Like how would I benefit inviting MYSELF to connect?  What would be the point of connecting myself with my work email????

Like a lot of other companies and institutions and sites, they get access to an email address and they start spamming the person. They say you can option out, but often when you 'option out' it's like they confirm your email address and spam you more.

The answer isn't 42.....

As I mentioned a couple of entries ago,  I threw out my back. Well it feels more like I'm fighting an infection, like the flu, rather then just being muscle aches. 

Originally the pain was at the usual spot, the last disc in my spinal cord. That's the one that locks in certain conditions, and Sunday the pain was there. But by Monday it had migrated to surrounding area to that disc but n the right side. Tuesday it was spreading on the right side, but I figured I'd be fine for work Wednesday. I went to work Wednesday but in such pain, mostly in the back and a bit on the right. My back still hurts, but now it's also all my right side, from the hip to the knee. The muscles and connecting tissue hurts.  Getting up from sitting is uncomfortable at best, painful to the point I moan, groan or downright scream if no one is in earshot.

I walk so funny due to the pain that people I've never spoken to at work, asked me if I was ok. Yes I'm ok. Yes I'm in pain. Yes I'm walking funny.  No I really don't want to talk about it.  I just want to hide. Normally at the speed I walk, I can hide. But walking slower then a turtle, seems to take forever to get from my desk to parking lot and people have a chance to catch up with me.

I ended up doing really boring tests today, because I could stand  in front of a cart, and just move my arms and do the test. It involved doing 20 insertions on 9 connectors, to check the robustness of the new source for those connectors. Normally I'd assign a task of this type to an underling, usually an intern.  But today I did 180 insertions of cables into connectors. It's about as exciting as watching paint dry, but it's important work.  If we have to start using this part on 4 different product lines we still sell, it had better work. This testing took about 2 hours of my day but at least during those two hours, since mostly only my arms moved I wasn't in much pain.

People have suggested I see a doctor, to what end? So I get told I have a sore back? Or muscle aches? And be giving pain killers, which I won't take because they just upset my stomach but don't relieve my pain.  I'm almost sure this is viral and the reason I'm in this much pain is because I'm fighting a flu. In the same time frame as this back ache has been nasty headaches, where I feel someone is stabbing me. on the right side of the head.  I've also developed cold sores in my right nostril. That all points to fighting a flu. There are plenty of viruses going around at work.  So far I don't have respiratory symptoms or digestive ones, and I'm going to hope it stays that way. I'm in such pain when I move right now, it already makes going to the bathroom difficult I can't imagine having to run there in those conditions.

Despite being annoyed by the pain, I'm amused because I visualize how I would look like if I was in an animated cartoon. Most days I feel like I'm still 16, today I felt like I was 85. I guess in the end it all balances out.

Pixie's eye is so much better

So a week after giving him daily eye baths and putting polysporin eye/ear drops in his eyes, he's doing great. Other then a bit of missing fur where he had the worst crusts, you coudln't tell he had a sore eye. I figure I'll put the drops in his eye for a couple more days just  to make sure it stays good.

Apparently because the polysporin eye/ear drops, is a special drug it needs to be put in your file at the pharmacist even if a prescription is not required. I wasn't going to tell them it was for my cat's eye infection.

It sucks that these days everything is so damn regulated and you have to see a specialist for everything. It's not the first or last time I heal one of my cats from a minor infection without ever seeing a vet.  TO be honest, putting cat in crate and driving them to vet, and waiting in vet office is highly traumatic to them. Why put them through that stress if I can heal them myself?

Pixie's Eye infection

Here's a photo of Pixie's infected left eye. This is after the treatment this morning.  When I first noticed it and it came about fast, he had blood coloured crusts all the way down to his nose. The pink tissue around the eye was bright red and inflamed. The swelling has gone down and from a distance you can't tell anymore that he's got an infected eye.  Will probably keep treatment for another 5-6 days. He's my oldest cat at 9 years of age.