Goodbye 2015. Please leave the building now!

Thank God 2015 is coming to an end. I always liked the number 15 being born on the 15th, but 2015 was a crappy year overall.

The first day of 2015, I woke up to the death of a favourite co-worker. Two weeks later, I find out an acquaintance has lost her son to suicide, he was only 14. While most wouldn't understand why it affected me, it did because I suffer from deep seated social anxiety and have had suicidal ideation. It really did my head in. I really empathize with this person over her loss. I can't imagine what I would have done would it have been one of my children.

Then came March and my uncle's death. From that point on I had a hard time leaving my home, and was like that for months.  I knew I suffered from some anxiety, I hadn't realized how much social anxiety I suffer, and was diagnosed to have Generalized Anxiety Disorder or GAD.   Until that point, my therapist I'd been seeing over 4 years hadn't realized it.  I mean he knew I had some anxiety but I don't think he ever suspected I had as much anxiety as I do.

Between missing 3 months of work, arguing with the insurance that I was sick and arguing with the Quebec Gov't over my taxes, it's been rough financially too.

I also lost several friends in 2015 for all sorts of reasons, but some years are like that. I tend to have some drastic changes in my life every 10 or so years, where my entire life situation changes and everything is different. 

The only good to have come out of 2015 was meeting my new significant other, that I have been dating now for 8 months.    Otherwise, 2015 was a crappy year.

Boot Shopping

My step daughter's feet apparently grew a lot in 2015, her boots from last winter were women's 6, though how she still could get them on her feet remains a mystery to me

I had promised her dad that I'd take her winter boot shopping, which is no small feet for an 11 year old who wears women's size 11!

Before going anywhere I'd done some research, checked out all places to get woman's winter boots inexpensively. Women's boots are always $50 more then children's boots. The other difficulty is that in some brands, the biggest size is 10. Normally he goes to Walmart, but I checked, women's boots at Walmart don't seem to go beyond size 10!

I ended up taking her to Globo shoes first because they claimed they had boots that went to size 11 & 12 in some women's models, and secondly they were having a big boxing day sale, so I figured I'd get away with getting her boots between $50-$100.

I was lucky, the 2nd pair of boots she tried on, a women's 11, fit her, and bonus, they were purple which she claims is currently her favourite colour.   Took about 10 minutes for the whole process. Once I'd established she wanted the boots, we went to the cash and she tells me "Wow, this turned out to be a lot simpler then I'd imagined"  Or maybe it was "This turned out to be far less painful then I had anticipated" Either way it had me giggle.

Sure I'd done research and had decided that for the first time I took her shopping to get her something that it would be short and quick, but the fact it turned out that way, bonus!

I have the most awesome daughters!

As I age and mature I feel better inside my head, but I still struggle with my past. It was refreshing to spend time with my 2 daughters during the Christmas break.

For starters I have 2 beautiful, intelligent, independent and articulate daughters that are totally awesome. I love the fact they have a beautiful friendship. I've never had siblings, and sometimes I envy the relationship my daughters have with each other. It's cute to watch them talk back to one another or even bicker like an old married couple. It's sweet how they help each other out and how they treat one another. I watched Samantha teach Isabelle how to make cookies.

Both in their late 20's they are reasonably well-adjusted and pretty autonomous. Samantha's few years full time in the military helped her grow into the young woman she is, and the two years Izzy spend in London definitely had a huge impact on who she is today.

While I know I had a big impact, being at home full time for 6 years with the girls when they were little, I also know that their dad, his wife Sylvie, and even some of my long term friends like Debbie also had an influence  on the people they became today.

I'm very proud of both of my daughters and admire both of them and of course I love them equally because they are equally as awesome! 

Nice Weather driving in Eastern Canada

Highway 102 earlier in the day we left

We left Beaver Bank around 8PM on the 29th.  The weather news had a snowstorm calling for up to 30 cm of snow for Montreal. We also had calls for 15cm of snow in Halifax and in Fredericton. We figured if we gave ourselves 24 hours, my bf could make it back in time for his hospital shift over night between 30 & 31st.

All you could see was snow, more snow and lots of snow

The drive home took 15 hours and it snowed heavily through Nova Scotia and most of New Brunswick. In fact only place it didn't snow hard was in Quebec, but there was a bit of snowfall around Quebec City. However snow or no snow falling, the roads were full of snow and ice because of the storm.

Quebec City at dusk as seen from the 20

We were really lucky. We never saw one moose, not even a small one on the side of the road.

Last day in Beaver Banks, Nova Scotia

Odin wanted to be in the photos

That's a sweet Zeus

I like to Rock!

Izzy puts Zeus on her lap.

MicMac Mall.

So today we went to MicMac  mall in Dartmouth. I had been to another mall on the 27th in Halifax and had found jeans at Bootleggers that I liked but they didn't have my size. The other Bootlegger store in Nova Scotia was at MicMac mall.

I did find the Silver jeans in the Tuesday fit, low rise boot cut, and they fit superbly. I absolutely love them. This cut is made for women who aren't very curvy.  Fits amazing on me. Thankfully they are low-rise, so I can fit in a size 24.  I haven't had a 24 waist since I was 24 before I had my kids. However I have the butt & thighs of a woman with a size 24 waist it seems.  I'd been mostly buying American Eagle jeans, but at size 0 they fit my hips, but my thighs are a bit loose. 

Also while I was at MicMac mall, a Muslim woman [I only saw a handful in Nova Scotia] complimented me on the dress I was wearing and quickly disappeared into the crowd before I could thank her and say I made the dress myself.

Odin and Zeus

Ball

But mom!

Celeste, all grown up

Odin, isn't he cute

Zeus with beautiful brown eyes

Zeus and his puzzled look

Walking in the snow

My eldest has 2 goofy young dogs that are adorable. Odin is a tailless wonder with spectacular blue eyes. Zeus is an anxious sweet dog, with a very sweet temperament and he LOVES to play ball.

So Random

Christmas doggies....

I would like what you're having. 

I'm a pretty boy!

Dancing....

Peggy's Cove Christmas day!

lighthouse at Peggy's cove

At Peggy's Cove, wearing a new top I made a week earlier.

Peggy's cove

Hamming it in front of the lighthouse

In front of the Atlantic Ocean

Peggy's cove rocks

Me and my babies!

Driving to Halifax

Today Izzy, my bf and myself drove down to see Samantha in Beaver Banks, which is part of the Halifax regional area. We chose to drive a day where it was foggy in Quebec, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.

Took us 13 hours to drive in the fog with minimal pit stops. One of the things we saw just before arriving in Lower Sackville was a bird flying across the road, and upon first glance I thought it was an eagle, saw black bird with white.  When we saw the bird closer it was a raven carrying a tissue in it's mouth.

New dresses in December

Two dresses made earlier in December. The red & black one was made using a Jalie shirt pattern, and the other one was a McCalls. Both dresses are in soft rayon and feel awesome.

Gifts oh my....

Sewing lessons

 I started to teach my step daughter Zoey how to sew. Her very first project was to make PJ pants, for her grandma for Christmas! She just turned 11 and I remember at that age finding frustration with the fact I didn't have money to buy gifts for my favourite people, like my grandma.  

We started by buying the fabric sometime in mid November. I wanted to give myself enough time because I'm not always patient. I also kept this activity for week-ends when her dad worked overnight, since he tends to sleep half of the day. So it was an activity we could do together while he was sleeping. 

I also wanted her not to feel rushed or feel it's too difficult or feel it was too much. She did all the sewing. I ended up doing the measuring and pinning of the hem and the casing, mostly because it's time consuming, and I can tell by eye 2" but it's a real pain to have to measure it every cm around a waist and I did not want her to get discouraged. 

I only fixed seams that were outrageously bad, unstitched those, but left most of her own seams. So it's not her who did it and me who fixed it. Mostly it was her effort. If grandma looks inside she will see a lot of the mistakes, however on the outside the garment is wearable, especially since one usually wears PJ pants at home. 

I had her put them on herself so she could show her dad her finished project, and then I wrapped them up so she can surprise her grandma at Christmas. 

I cried. I often have the greatest intentions and think ahead of cool things I can do with friends or in the past with my daughters and then often either because of situation or my mood, I can't bring a project to completion and it makes me feel like a failure and a loser.  I was so grateful that I managed to bring a full project to completion and she seemed so happy that I think I've created a new seamstress.   Yesterday she was eying a lot of my patterns. I will have to find a second project, this one making a garment for herself that she can succeed and want to keep sewing.

Cutting the fabric to make PJ pants

Starting to assemble  the PJ pants

Toby helping out with the PJ pants

I  want to sew too!

I like the pink PJ's, I do! I do!

Birthday gifts

These are the awesome gifts I got this year!!

A windchime hummingbird, so pretty

The cake as it arrived

Mmmm cake!

New PJ's for me to sleep in

Accidental penetration? Really? Seriously? Anatomy lessons anyone???

I dunno but I've never been "Accidentally" penetrated.  Mostly unless the position is absolutely perfect, most men need to guide their penis to get it to go in anywhere. That's the experience of most women.I've never had a friend say to me "OMG I was accidentally penetrated when Fred fell on me".  Statistically speaking it's about as likely as catching an STD or STI from a toilet seat

I don't know what kind of anatomy this poor girl in England had that she was "accidentally penetrated" and the guy who did it was acquitted of rape. Like WTF????

I'd like to accidentally fall with a 10foot pole up his ass....see how he likes it. I bet no one would believe me. For one I'm female, I'm not Saudi and I'm not a millionaire!

I think schools should offer basic anatomy. It seems many of the judges around the world today are woefully uninformed about female anatomy. What with the idiot who said if she didn't want to be raped all she had to do was keep her knees closed... Huh?  

I hate my birthday

I really hate this time of the year.  As people race to get ready for Christmas they turn into giant assholes and douchebags. Instead of being kind and thoughtful to others they are more likely to run them over for not going fast enough.

I wonder if our wonderful Costco in Pointe-Claire is going to be as much of a Jungle this year now that the new Costco in Vaudreuil opened. It means people from Ontario aren't coming to the one in POinte-CLaire anymore. However I'm sure the folks from Ontario aren't the ones with a sense of entitlement, like the gentleman who insisted on pointing out that HE had a MERCEDES and to make sure I didn't go too close to his MERCEDES with my cart, that was parked next to my crappy Suzuki.  

I hate my birthday.  I can thank my biological dad for making me want to crawl under a rock and hope I'd never been born on this day.   The asshole tried to kill me when I was 2 1/2. WTF I could have done to him at that age when I didn't even live with him, who knows.   But then he called me at 16, 17, 18 for my birthday and ACTED LIKE I should want to know him, want to be with him etc.  And had the audacity to blame my MOM for not wanting to have anything to do with him. 

EVER OCCUR TO YOU ASSHOLE that if you try to kill someone, even at a young age that maybe they will remember and  never want to see you again?  But no I'm just a giant douche who wouldn't give her fucking dad the time of day. EVERY fucking year on my birthday this is what fills my head. Dunno what triggers it but it happens

ANyways... it haunts me every fucking year. And this year BONUS I had a huge fight with my significant other on my birthday because he can't imagine I can be upset over something like this all these years later so I must be upset over something else.

And then people wonder why I awnt to crawl under a fucking rock. I'm not even allowed to be upset and not want to underline the day I was born.  

Of course those who try to be nice for my birthday probably feel crappy too because I don't want anything, just want to crawl under a rock and then I hurt other people's feelings who try to do nice things for me, and then I feel even worse. Sometimes I wish I could disappear most Decembers and reappear mid January when all that Christmas/birthday crap is over with. 

I got over 100 birthday wishes, and it just hurts more, makes me feel like I'm the giant douchebag. I'm not happy. I'm sad. I just want to crawl under a rock, and I'm sure people look at me and think "WTF does she have to be upset over, I'd love her life".

Why should men do all the regulating.

In America men seem to want more and more control over women's bodies and reproductive rights. SOme of the laws in place to get an abortion in some states is sheer folly.

So in that spirit one lawmaker wants to regulate men's erections. Why not. They can decide if I can have a child or not, perhaps we can decide if they are allowed meds to get boners.

I love all the stupid rules this woman wants to make. Should wake up some men to make them realize that if they don't want their bodies regulated, perhaps they should stop regulating women's bodies?  I especially like the lawmaker who suggests all men who want boner pills have a mandatory rectal exam prior to any prescriptions.  I also like the idea that they have to wait for a few months, you know, just in case they might change their minds.....

While free access to safe abortions should be available to all women all over the world, I don't really think that easy access to Viagra is that important. After all I wonder how many men use it to rape or have non consensual sex?

Our Prime Minister is right out of Vogue?

Today's editorial cartoon by David Parkins taken from the Globe and Mail.

From World Vision.

#CanadiansWelcome