I hate my birthday

I really hate this time of the year.  As people race to get ready for Christmas they turn into giant assholes and douchebags. Instead of being kind and thoughtful to others they are more likely to run them over for not going fast enough.

I wonder if our wonderful Costco in Pointe-Claire is going to be as much of a Jungle this year now that the new Costco in Vaudreuil opened. It means people from Ontario aren't coming to the one in POinte-CLaire anymore. However I'm sure the folks from Ontario aren't the ones with a sense of entitlement, like the gentleman who insisted on pointing out that HE had a MERCEDES and to make sure I didn't go too close to his MERCEDES with my cart, that was parked next to my crappy Suzuki.  

I hate my birthday.  I can thank my biological dad for making me want to crawl under a rock and hope I'd never been born on this day.   The asshole tried to kill me when I was 2 1/2. WTF I could have done to him at that age when I didn't even live with him, who knows.   But then he called me at 16, 17, 18 for my birthday and ACTED LIKE I should want to know him, want to be with him etc.  And had the audacity to blame my MOM for not wanting to have anything to do with him. 

EVER OCCUR TO YOU ASSHOLE that if you try to kill someone, even at a young age that maybe they will remember and  never want to see you again?  But no I'm just a giant douche who wouldn't give her fucking dad the time of day. EVERY fucking year on my birthday this is what fills my head. Dunno what triggers it but it happens

ANyways... it haunts me every fucking year. And this year BONUS I had a huge fight with my significant other on my birthday because he can't imagine I can be upset over something like this all these years later so I must be upset over something else.

And then people wonder why I awnt to crawl under a fucking rock. I'm not even allowed to be upset and not want to underline the day I was born.  

Of course those who try to be nice for my birthday probably feel crappy too because I don't want anything, just want to crawl under a rock and then I hurt other people's feelings who try to do nice things for me, and then I feel even worse. Sometimes I wish I could disappear most Decembers and reappear mid January when all that Christmas/birthday crap is over with. 

I got over 100 birthday wishes, and it just hurts more, makes me feel like I'm the giant douchebag. I'm not happy. I'm sad. I just want to crawl under a rock, and I'm sure people look at me and think "WTF does she have to be upset over, I'd love her life".