Slut shamming starts really young - in Kindergarten apparently....

Slut shaming is only done to girls. I have never seen once a boy be sent home from school for inappropriate dress. It is always the girls. Either  the dress is too short or the top is too revealing. 

Of course you are aware that the revealing clothes is made in all sizes for girls, but there is no such thing that is considered inappropriate for boys...  except maybe  in some jurisdiction where they decide your son should cut his hair. That's usually the only thing that happens to boys. 

This blog post from a dad in Houston really makes a good point. His 5 year old was sent home for wearing a sundress!   Since when are the shoulders of a 5 year old girl 'SEXY' or too revealing?  I mean the 5 year old boy's shoulders look exactly fucking the same!!!

I don't remember how young I was the first time I was called a slut. Not even sure why I was called a slut. The first time was probably just because another girl didn't like me. Then it was because I liked to play with boys.  I was a tomboy, boys were far more interesting to play with then girls in my early teens. They weren't all about looks and makeup, they were more active, they rode their bikes, played baseball, made slingshots out of old tire inner tubes, and used some form of crab apples as ammunition. 

Of course as you get older the term slut gets bandied about because someone doesn't like what  you're wearing. It doesn't matter that you're showing far less then in a music video, it's the other person's morals and their perception of whether they like you that plays, nothing to do with your morals. 

I was a virgin till well into my 17th year, I'd been called a slut from 10 onwards by various people. Of course after I was raped, the slut shamming was far stronger.  It took easily 10 years for me to stop feeling responsible for my rape.   Not sure if my mom slut shamed me when she found out I was raped, but she sure did when she found out I'd been on the pill at 19.  Yes...  How nice of my mom to call me a slut for having been on the pill!  

I never slut shamed my daughters.   The only comment I made to my eldest about how to dress is the more she shows with her clothes, the more boys from 9 to men aged 99 will look at her as an object of desire.  Hell they will look at her too even if she is dressed from head to toe. I've seen boys  & men drool over Muslima's covered from head to toe and veiled.  

I have had my daughters try to do it to me once. At some point during their teens, they came home from their dads and inside my own home I was wearing spandex shorts and a spandex halter/bra type.  One daughter commented about what I was wearing. I asked her if I was allowed to clean my house on a hot day in clothes that were comfortable?   I was in my OWN FUCKING HOME and I get questioned on my clothes?  I made it clear that what I wear is my own choice and that I was never going to put up with this crap from them.   Of course I realize that my daughters at the time were trying to figure out where they stood.  I would hope that they no longer slut shame anyone.  

You can dislike a woman without attacking her morals, because honey as a  woman when you attack other women's morals you are just propagating this Neanderthal mentality that women's bodies must be hidden because men, are too weak, too stupid, or insert a weakness here... to control themselves around women. If you think about it and  you're into equality and feminism, you expect both genders to treat both genders as intelligent human beings and not judge women who  dress a certain way and think men are too weak to control themselves around women.....

 

Alice Moran and I have something in common but she's so much more eloquent

I'm sure I wasn't the only woman who was mortified by  Ms Ford's comments who tweeted “stay alert ... take self defence classes and don’t dress like a whore.” It reminded me of that Toronto police officer who told university students not to dress like sluts.....

As a rape victim I feel it's important to share Alice's articulate letter with all.

This is Alice Moran's letter in full:

Dear a lot of people, but specifically Ms. Krista Ford,

In advance I’d like to say I am sorry. This is not the ideal situation to first acquaint oneself with someone and I am mortified. Sorry! However, under the circumstance, I feel like you owe me a moment of your time, even though we’ve never meet.

The circumstance being you called me a whore.

I should clarify: I’m one of the victims of the recent string of sexual assaults in the Annex. ‘Sup? It’s nice to make you acquaintance.

So, you’ve called me a whore. Here we are. This is awkward now, isn’t it? You’re probably wondering if I’m going to challenge you on having been a member of Lingerie League. I’m not, because I’d never slut-shame another woman. I believe you have a right to your body and regardless of how you do or don’t dress it I believe you have a right to respect and personal security. I guess that’s the key difference in our thinking. You could wear a t-shirt that says “I’m literally asking for it” and I’d still advocate for your security.

That’s what I’m asking for this brief moment of your day, for your edification. You’re a woman and you should know that your body is yours and yours alone. No matter how you dress it, you have a right — an actual Charter of Rights and Freedom right — to not be sexually assaulted. You are entitled to life, liberty and the security of person. Welcome to Canada — you live here! If you weren’t aware of your Charter rights, other Canadian things you may have missed out on are double-doubles, good maple syrup, and Beachcombers*, so check that s--- out.

For the record, I was sexually assaulted while wearing a knee-length polka-dot dress. The last time I wore that dress, it was to Easter dinner at my Gran’s, where I’m fairly certain I could make little to no money whoring.

With due respect / sorry,
Alice Moran
Canadian / Comedian / Beachcombers Enthusiast
*I love Beachcombers.
Torstar News

Outraged at OPP

I could not believe my eyes when I read the gazette this morning and stumbled upon this gem.  This woman was attacked and raped in her own home for hours and despite being left tied in her bed in a harness she managed to call 911 for help.

Lots of help the OPP gave her. They had her wait FIVE HOURS in the harness NAKED in her bed while waiting for a photographer. FIVE HOURS.  The worst part is that the OPP knew there was a predator in this particular neighbourhood who had been breaking and entering homes and stealing woman's garments. Still they left her like this FIVE HOURS.  Once they took the pictures, she was allowed her bathrobe and they still kept her on the scene for several more hours INSTEAD of giving her medical attention. 

I would sue everyone who was responsible for this travesty of justice. I'm outraged, appalled and a bunch of other things.  Treating the victim like she was responsible for her attack. I'm starting to think the OPP needs sensitivity training. 

First you have a dumb ass from the OPP who says women should not dress like sluts  to avoid rape - which incited "Slut walks" throughout the world. Now you have other OPP members who treat a rape victim like she was a suspect and do not get her medical treatment in a timely fashion.

The women of the Middle East

I blogged a week or two ago about the women in Dubai, and in general the UAE, to highlight their position in Emirate society.  I stumbled upon an interesting article by Naomi Wolf about women in the Middle East. One of the point she highlights is that once women change in a society, everything changes, and the women in the Middle East are going through a radical change. She points out how the women in Egypt and Tunisia weren't just taking part in the protests but helping lead them.  That part of the reason they were so peaceful was because of the women and the children that were also with them. 

I suppose this is why in Libya Gadaffi's encouraged his armies to use rape as a "weapon of war". Attack half of the population by violating them and figure it will break down the rest of the society. 

I've also read that in Syria women were being raped by the various "security forces". Of the extent of this problem won't be fully grasped until the uprising is over. 

However I've also read of a movement in Syria where young men are saying that they will marry women who have been raped, sight unseen.  I hope this movement spreads throughout Syria and also to Libya.  I'm happy there are men who realize that being raped is never a woman's fault, and always her attackers fault, and she shouldn't have to carry the shame of being spoiled for others.  It's hard enough to deal with having been forcefully violated, but to be cast aside by society and sometimes your family due to the shame is inconceivable to me. 

I have been raped and what has helped me deal with the rape is talking about it. Telling other women that rape doesn't only happen to others, it can happen to any woman. Rape isn't about what you did, it's about men who want control. I have never allowed anyone to see me as less worthy a human being because I was raped. 

On the topic of rape, the "SlutWalks" that started in Toronto have spread all over the world, with one in London this month.  Some of the criticism of these walks includes that women are now defining themselves in male terms.  I have issues with that. I don't dress for men, I dress for myself. I like wearing clothes I find attractive on myself.  My mom used to tell me as a young woman to not wear shapeless clothing. That I had an attractive body and I should wear clothes that makes me look good.  Not once was it mentioned I was dressing for men.   My mom's point was that if you feel good about who you are you should also be projecting a positive image with your clothing. That it was all one package.

Besides it wasn't a woman who told a bunch of York university students to "Not dress like a slut". It was a male police officer. I wonder what this male police officer would have to say to the Libyan and Syrian women who have been raped in the Arab Spring, never mind those in Somalia, Afghanistan and other troubled countries?

Toronto "Slut Walk"

There's a ready made Fark headline, but I digress.

I blogged several weeks ago about this incident, where a member of law enforcement told women at a personal security class that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized". Well I'm not the only woman who found it highly offensive. Hence the "Slut walk" in Toronto.

I hope it drew a lot of attention and make people realize that blaming the victim is not helpful. Not to the victim who blames herself, not to the perpetrator who will likely continue perpetrating this type of behaviour.