It's the little things...

I found this in the steam of the bathroom. It's so cute...

This is too cute not to share

I've always found men that actually spend quality time with their children, very sexy. So I had to share this article with dads who do all sorts of fun stuff with their kids.

I have to say I got a step-dad I was 10. He was phenomenal. I got to put curlers in this hair and try different hair do's on him. He gave me airplane rides around the house, and he was 6ft3inches, so that was a lot of fun. I used to walk around using his shoes, since they were size 13, and clunk away  He played all sorts of cool games with me as a teen though they would tax his brain.  Heck even in the last few years, in his wheelchair, he would go shopping with me, because he knew I enjoyed that.

I've been an emotional mess this past bit, with raw emotions busting out at the seams all the time, so just writing this entry and looking at this article is making me cry

It's just one of those days.

Tuesday on my mind

I've come to the epiphany that there was some sort of shift after I went to Toronto.  Basically things haven't been the same. And we all know how well people with ADHD deal with change. At first like a bull in a china shop. Give me a few weeks and I have adapted.  Also it's the time of the year I hate the most, the time leading to my birthday and Christmas.

That and I've had 3 viral infections, two stemming from colleague who was sick when we travelled and the last caught due to the other two. I'm still fighting the last one. My back is still twingy, I wake up and I have so much congestion, you'd think it was allergy season.

I've been an emotional basketcase needing support. I can't seem to face work today. Yesterday was so dismal, I hid at my desk most of the day. Today, I'm going to stay home in hopes that rest will make me better.

Of course the two episodes of cold sores in my right nostril did nothing good, and when I go through outbreaks of herpes it puts me in a vile mood. I've been ignoring this fact but it keeps reminding me.

As for my friend, he was sick all week-end. Why he couldn't text me he wasn't well, I dunno. I guess that's what I need to get across. He means well.  And apparently whether that makes me an idiot or not is left for others to figure out but I really do like him.  I did figure out I'd rather see him once a month then ever see the asshole from May 2014 again.  So that must mean something. Few men my age get me excited, and he sure does. My friends in Kingsbury remind me to be patient. That if this works out at all for me it will be in the long term and take it slow. My friend in Ireland tells me to take it slow.

SLOW DRIVES ME INSANE.  I can't walk slow, drive slow do much of anything slow..... I gotta go go go go go you know? Like the energizer bunny.

I was reading Savage Love this morning, I've been reading Dan Savage for years, he's taught me a lot. He went on to say that to make a relationship work you have to ignore the things that you don't like and focus on the ones you do. No one is perfect but one person is ok enough to make it work.   He makes a lot of sense. Any relationship is a compromise and while I'm an only child, I still manage to pull of the whole compromise thing at least half of the time.

I'm all in awe.....

I generally feel like crap. I always feel like I could have done better or tried harder. I often feel I was not enough of a good daughter, good mother, good child, good parent,  good friend, good spouse, good employee, good boss/team leader, good resource for interns,  good whatever. In general.  Instead of seeing that I do try hard to be a good person and to be good to others, I just see my failures. Even if I get 99% right, I just see the 1% that's wrong.

And the past couple of  days, past my blow up/meltdown day, Wednesday, it's an odd feeling [and sometimes I even feel like an imposter], that I'm actually appreciated.  Some people do actually like me. Moodiness and all.

There's this young woman at work that I mentored, like I do to any new girl because working in the almost all male environment takes getting used to. And it helps to have someone to escape to from time to time. My Sailor daughter appreciates the company of other women with whom she might have little in common with,  since being in the Navy sometimes as the one of the few women.  So this girl baked me a birthday cake, it was gluten free, casein free and refined sugar free.   And the note she gave me moved me. Something about when she has a bad day, what helps her cheer up is to come to hang out with me. 

My girlfriend has been staying with me after her surgery and well it was nice to have her around on my birthday and she got me  neat balls to help me with my number fingers and a beautiful Poinsettia. I hope we don't kill this one too. The one I got myself is mostly dead and it didn't make it to Christmas.

One daughter got me a Dragonfly windchime, with a really high pitched chime. Very unique. The other got me a glass coaster/decoration that says "The beauty of a mother's love never fades". and well it's very touching.

It stunned me too that over 65 people wished me a happy birthday on my facebook timeline alone, never mind those who sent me private messages and my buddy in the ADHD group who wished me happy birthday in the group so another dozen or two people there.  Not random strangers, but people I've chatted with.

Something else, in this Private Adult ADHD group on facebook, I've found incredible amounts of love and support.  Where I feel appreciated at least some of the time. Other times I still feel like foot in mouth syndrome. But then that's part of having ADHD.   I've made friends in that group, friends who struggles I can relate to. 

It's rare but at the moment I feel incredibly loved and appreciated and it's from my daughters, and my friends.  It's funny I'm struggling with the emotions. I just feel very special. and I should just go with it.