I'm all in awe.....

I generally feel like crap. I always feel like I could have done better or tried harder. I often feel I was not enough of a good daughter, good mother, good child, good parent,  good friend, good spouse, good employee, good boss/team leader, good resource for interns,  good whatever. In general.  Instead of seeing that I do try hard to be a good person and to be good to others, I just see my failures. Even if I get 99% right, I just see the 1% that's wrong.

And the past couple of  days, past my blow up/meltdown day, Wednesday, it's an odd feeling [and sometimes I even feel like an imposter], that I'm actually appreciated.  Some people do actually like me. Moodiness and all.

There's this young woman at work that I mentored, like I do to any new girl because working in the almost all male environment takes getting used to. And it helps to have someone to escape to from time to time. My Sailor daughter appreciates the company of other women with whom she might have little in common with,  since being in the Navy sometimes as the one of the few women.  So this girl baked me a birthday cake, it was gluten free, casein free and refined sugar free.   And the note she gave me moved me. Something about when she has a bad day, what helps her cheer up is to come to hang out with me. 

My girlfriend has been staying with me after her surgery and well it was nice to have her around on my birthday and she got me  neat balls to help me with my number fingers and a beautiful Poinsettia. I hope we don't kill this one too. The one I got myself is mostly dead and it didn't make it to Christmas.

One daughter got me a Dragonfly windchime, with a really high pitched chime. Very unique. The other got me a glass coaster/decoration that says "The beauty of a mother's love never fades". and well it's very touching.

It stunned me too that over 65 people wished me a happy birthday on my facebook timeline alone, never mind those who sent me private messages and my buddy in the ADHD group who wished me happy birthday in the group so another dozen or two people there.  Not random strangers, but people I've chatted with.

Something else, in this Private Adult ADHD group on facebook, I've found incredible amounts of love and support.  Where I feel appreciated at least some of the time. Other times I still feel like foot in mouth syndrome. But then that's part of having ADHD.   I've made friends in that group, friends who struggles I can relate to. 

It's rare but at the moment I feel incredibly loved and appreciated and it's from my daughters, and my friends.  It's funny I'm struggling with the emotions. I just feel very special. and I should just go with it.