Sad

2021 has sucked as much as 2020 so far.  I'm getting older, less functional. 

I'm also rethinking my life. What have I accomplished? I'm about as insignificant as they come. I've spent most of my life trying to be a better person to what end? Anytime I go out of my comfort zone and make an effort it backfires and instead of enriching my life I feel even more  useless. 

I've managed to estrange most of the people I love so really what's the point? 

Most days I feel like the world's biggest asshole. I can't say anything right or do anything right. I'm a giant waste of space and not worth anyone's time or energy. 

People must think very little of me...

They can't be bothered to return my house keys.....

First it was the homeless ex, who took over 1 year to return my house keys. By the time he did I'd changed the locks.   Then my moved out in October, it's now 8 months later, she still has the keys.  

Then I fired my cleaning lady... who didn't even have the keys on her,,, and though it's been over a month, she also hasn't returned the fucking keys. You'd think she would she's still owed $60 and that normally makes a big difference in her budget.

I lost my own house keys a few months ago and I figured why remake more keys when I already have some in circulation.

I'm not going to be begging anyone to return my fucking keys.   I'll be buying a new fucking deadbolt again.... because you know ... it's fun to change your locks every 2 years....

Really Asshole, what if it was talking to someone like you?

I sprained my wrist on Monday and have been wearing a wrap to keep it from hurting too much. I went to the TD bank and you could maybe see one inch sticking out from under my sleeve. It wasn't very visible and was SKIN TONE.

Some arrogant Jewish asshole arrives to stand in line behind me and when I heard something I looked briefly behind me and then went back to look at tellers. I hear behind me "So did you get that hitting your bf".  When I first heard that I thought he was on his cell phone and talking to himself. Then it dawned on me about 5 minutes later that I have a wrap on my hand and since he came in just after me, maybe he saw me get out of the truck? Then it dawned on me that the idiot had actually said that to me. 

I was stunned. What? Didn't know a better line to pick me up?  What a single woman in a bank line asks to me picked up with cheezy fucking pick up lines?

Either way.... I should have responded in the loudest voice possible "No I got that hitting a creepy stranger who decided to talk to me for no reason".

It really pissed me off. This usually happens to me when I'm already either a) pissed off b) suffering from Social anxiety. and then people wonder why I have days where I don't want to go out of my house, don't want to talk to random strangers.....

One of them was caught!

One of the creeps who taxed my friends nephew around Riverside Park in Lasalle  has been caught.. This idiot and one of his moronic friends would point gun at teens to get their wallets and cellphones.

Another giant douchebag

So the guy I sent an email to tell him I wasn't going to see him again, replied the next day with a long rant disputing my reasons.Really? I tell you why I'm not going to be seeing you anymore and you tell me this is not really how I feel?

I didn't bother responding I figured it was a ginormous waste of time.  So eight days later he messages me again affirming how really the more he thinks about it, the more what I'm telling him is not right and he knows how I'm thinking and feeling.

For some reason he's got it in this head that I prefer women and he's not liking the fact that essentially I broke up with him because he drinks.

Well tough SHIT. I didn't tell you not to drink. I told you I would never have sex with a man who has drank while he is under the influence. The smell of alcohol on a man is a HUGE turnoff.  And no matter what anyone says, smells are triggers and what I lived at the hands of drunks before I was 18 has profoundly traumatized me.

If he wants to be told "Its not me, she was just a lesbian" then he can go right ahead. He can think whatever he wants to get himself through the night.

I'm not even going to bother responding to his email. This rant itself is even more attention then this guy deserves.

Did you want to kill them yourself?

This rant is to the Miss piggy looking woman driving a burgandy Honda accord, that followed me down Anselme lavigne and then onto Sources blvd around 9 O'Clock this morning.

Next time instead of honking because I chose not to plow over 2 women who were crossing the road, feel free to go around me and kill them yourself.

Feeling better

I wish I wasn't so explosive at times.  Sometimes very little can set me off in a big way, and very big douchebags. I know the guy at work is a moron and has no filter.  I shouldn't have gotten so mad. But apparently I've been bottling emotions.

Should I run the pedestrian over?

I might drive sometimes like a maniac but I will generally let pedestrians go if I see them. This morning waiting for the light to change to turn onto Sources blvd from Anselme Lavigne, I noticed the pedestrian light was counting down and a black man  was crossing the street. So I stayed put to let him cross. the idiot in the Mercedes behind me started to honk within seconds of me not moving.  Wanted to yell out of the window "Would you like to run over the pedestrian yourself" but my back being fucked, it wasn't the right day to do that. 

I so want to move away.

So I've reached 25 days sleeping in a tent under the stars so far for 2013! Hope to make it to 30. I could say I spent a month camping.

I'm just so sick of living in the city. Especially in the part of the city where everyone seems to have a sense of entitlement. Ever notice most of those who drive Land Rovers, Infinitis, Lexuses, Acuras, BMWs, Mercedes and a few other choice brands, appear to think they own the road. They can do no wrong, they have special permissions to blow red lights, ignore stops and cut in front of you at a whim. They don't have to obey the rules. Others do, but not them.

Looking forward to living somewhere with less population density. At least there will still be assholes but in smaller numbers!

Bois de Liesse

Now I remember why I don't hang out much in that park. 

Because the park keepers tend to be assholes. I lived 3 years on the edge of the park and sometimes I'd walk home through the park [could save a fair amount of time] but if it was past 11 pm and the park keepers saw me I'd get chased out because the park is closed from 11pm to 6am

Today I was told off for walking next to the ski trail. I wasn't actually walking in the trails that the skis made but next to it. I wasn't destroying the trails but I got told I wasn't allowed to walk there. 

THERE ARE NO FUCKING SIGNS THAT SAYS YOU CANNOT WALK ON THE SKI TRAILS. 

It ruined by walk, and the asshole was chain smoking.

FUCKING ASSHOLE EX CALLS AGAIN

I haven't been pissed off enough that my asshole Mohawk ex had to call me at work today. Like I needed to hear his fucking voice .

I have fucking nothing to say to him except FUCK YOU.