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ADHD as described by dr Hallowell
What is it like to have ADHD? What is the feel of the syndrome?
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. First of all, I resent the
term. As far as I'm concerned, most people have Attention Surplus
Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to
anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able
to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out
of turn? But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called
ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have
it?
Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but
believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's
like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is
smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's really
frustrating not being able to see very well. Or it's like listening to a
radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear
what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a
dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the
wind before you can even start on the cards.
In other ways it's like
being supercharged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act
on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before
you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but
of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to
follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and
impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point
completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have
all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that, which makes
it really hard to stay on task. Plus, you're spilling over all the time.
You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song,
looking here, looking there, stretching, doodling, and people think
you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all
you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a
lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or
even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and
surrounded by silence.
What is it like to have ADHD? Buzzing. Being
here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing
that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments
out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADHD,
this does not happen. In ADHD, time collapses. Time becomes a black
hole. To the person with ADHD it feels as if everything is happening all
at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The
individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is
always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.
Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you
see. That's the agony of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on
what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and
action. That's why I, like so many people with ADHD, lack tact. Tact is
entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before
uttering them. We ADHD types don't do this so well.
Many of us with
ADHD crave high-stimulus situations. In my case, I love casinos, the
high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy and having lots of people
around. High stim situations can get you into trouble, which is why
ADHD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is
also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among
manic-depressives, sociopaths and drug users. But it is also high among
creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly-energetic,
highly-productive people. Which is to say there is a positive side to
all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak
about ADHD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes
wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once
the ADHD has been diagnosed, and the individual, with the help of
teachers, parents and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an
untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station
is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And
the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a
general pain in the neck, starts doing things he'd never been able to do
before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I
use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are
seeing more and more ADHD among females as we are looking for it.
Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a
"feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while
others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person
who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for
the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how
he knew the short cut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew
it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million-dollar
deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child
who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised
for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who
learn and know and do and go by touch and feel.
These people can
feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind they can, if not see
the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers
apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive
to this "sixth sense" many ADHD people have, and to nurture it. If the
environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior
from these people all the time, then they may never develop their
intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be
exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or
rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them,
often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or
surprising solutions.
What I am saying is that their cognitive style
is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem
impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted. The thing
to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad
stuff associated with ADHD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis
can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with
labels like "lazy," "stubborn," "willful," "disruptive," "impossible,"
"tyrannical," "a space shot," "brain damaged," "stupid," or just plain
"bad." Making the diagnosis of ADHD can take the case from the court of
moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment.
What is
the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making
the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and
self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life
can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls. Breaking
tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. Getting help where you
need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting
enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support.
Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track.
Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole
solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.
We who
have ADHD need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles
wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into
realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting
up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with
the program, consider ADHD before he starts believing all the bad
things people are saying about him and it's too late.
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