It seems like the easier solution

I was left profoundly touched by Bill Zeller's last words.  I mean who's to say what enough hurt is?  Who's to say when you've had enough? When it's too much pain?

People always tell me I'm over sensitive to everything. I've realized it's part of my ADHD nature. I'm over sensitive. Not just to words, but to touch and other things. People also tell me to control my emotions. Like if I could control my emotions I'd be this emotional?  Its easy for someone who's not emotional to tell me to 'snap out of it'. It's always much easier for those looking from the outside to criticize us, but until they have walked a mile in our shoes, what do they know?

And no matter what hell someone else has lived, no one understands your own personal hell. Sure I wasn't molested repeatedly as a toddler nor did I live through war, but I lived through events throughout my life that left me profoundly affected. Sometimes it means I need to be alone for days just to find my way through my darkness. Just to realize that life isn't all bad, and that I have to strive to live for those fleeting moments of happiness, where the darkness seems to have cleared even for a few moments. 

I don't understand why everyone needs to decide how I should handle my dark moods, and my moments of depression. Basically all I ask is to be left alone and somehow that really bothers some people.  My ex never understood it and never left me alone when I specifically asked to be left alone. He feared that I'd hurt myself.  If I really wanted to hurt myself, no matter how much I was watched I would. 

I mean for instance I stopped drinking when I was 19. Back in 1982.  I haven't had a drink since. No matter how bad it got, no matter the darkness. But I'm not allowed the alone time in case I might hurt myself.  Right. 

One of the stupid things that was told to me recently was to snap out of it because it's affecting others. Great. Another reason to add as to why I should end it. At least if I wasn't around my dark moods wouldn't be affecting others. 

I wonder if that was a factor in Bill Zeller's choice of ending it all?