Saturdays

I don't know why it is but I often wake up feeling horrible on Saturdays. This one was no exception. I should have stayed in bed asleep. No instead I've been awake for several hours and I keep wishing I could crawl under a rock.  I dunno why I'm feeling so crappy but I am. Here's the amusing part, my therapist thought I was doing so well when I saw him on Wednesday.

My dad was fond of repeating to me that life isn't fair. He was fond of repeating it to me because I often complained of life's unfairness.  I'm one of those people who's sense of fair is highly developed and very sensitive. It bugs me to no end when something is unfair. Even if I'm not the one who's been treated unfairly. 

The downside to it is that I'm often upset because of life's unfairness. I've had more then my share in the past while. I'm sure I'm not the only person in this world who has had more then their share of crap however not everyone is as sensitive to it then I am.  It's like at times it's all I can see. Instead of seeing the positive I just focus on the negative. It's never helpful. According to what I've been reading though you can change your brain and way of thinking. I'll be working with that from now on.. in hopes maybe one day I can stop being so overwhelmed by my emotions.

I've been crying on and off since I woke up this morning. I couldn't even begin to tell you what set it off or what it is I'm upset about. I can't remember the number of times I called my mom feeling like this and she'd ask me what as wrong and I'd have no answers - just lots of crying. One of those times I feel like just sucks and then you die.