Thoughts about Social Anxiety

Social anxiety. It's so many things. I'm looking at my life from a different point of view and asking myself why so many things "stress' me out.

I've never had my nails done. I go to the hair dresser every couple of years, with the exception of 2010 where I got my hair cut short twice. Once to join my eldest when she got hers cut for boot-camp, and later that summer since I was going to Lebanon, Syria and Jordan in September and since it was too short to be tied, I wanted it even shorter for that trip. The hair dresser is painful. I have very fine hair and a highly sensitive scalp. Having my mom brush my hair as a child was the bane of my existence. And when I cried she would remind me she was especially gentle having the same kind of scalp as I do. She would remind me that her mom was far more abrupt and rough combing her hair as a little girl and she survived. Either way, I really don't like having most people touch my hair never mind comb it. Though I must admit I had an ex who used to pet my hair like one pets a cat and I didn't mind it. Probably due to my cat like nature.

I don't like going to the dentist much and I have my teeth cleaned on average twice a year, but more like twice in 14 months. I hadn't seen a medical doctor in easily 5 years, not even for asthma meds, though I really should have them with me at all times. I've been seeing my therapist about every 4-6 weeks the past 5 years, except during my crisis this spring where I was seeing him every 2-3 weeks. I'm lucky too  my therapist's office is 5 minutes away from my home. This made it so much more accessible when I was totally crashed in spring.

Some people go to the store daily to pick up what they forget, I can go weeks without entering a store. I've been struggling with groceries, though I tend to do them most often during my lunch hour with a work colleague so I don't have to face the world alone. I seem to be able to handle shopping with others. Shopping alone, especially in crowded stores can set off my anxiety in the worst of ways.

The sad part is, I wasn't aware to the depth of what sets off my anxiety. I understand now why going to parties, get together and events stresses me out. Sadly I was with people who had large families and tons of get together and would really come down hard on me for not showing up to all these events, which drained me and made me crabby. Instead of being supported often I was chastised for not being sociable enough.