Thursday, April 23, 2015

Slut shamming starts really young - in Kindergarten apparently....

Slut shaming is only done to girls. I have never seen once a boy be sent home from school for inappropriate dress. It is always the girls. Either  the dress is too short or the top is too revealing. 

Of course you are aware that the revealing clothes is made in all sizes for girls, but there is no such thing that is considered inappropriate for boys...  except maybe  in some jurisdiction where they decide your son should cut his hair. That's usually the only thing that happens to boys. 

This blog post from a dad in Houston really makes a good point. His 5 year old was sent home for wearing a sundress!   Since when are the shoulders of a 5 year old girl 'SEXY' or too revealing?  I mean the 5 year old boy's shoulders look exactly fucking the same!!!

I don't remember how young I was the first time I was called a slut. Not even sure why I was called a slut. The first time was probably just because another girl didn't like me. Then it was because I liked to play with boys.  I was a tomboy, boys were far more interesting to play with then girls in my early teens. They weren't all about looks and makeup, they were more active, they rode their bikes, played baseball, made slingshots out of old tire inner tubes, and used some form of crab apples as ammunition. 

Of course as you get older the term slut gets bandied about because someone doesn't like what  you're wearing. It doesn't matter that you're showing far less then in a music video, it's the other person's morals and their perception of whether they like you that plays, nothing to do with your morals. 

I was a virgin till well into my 17th year, I'd been called a slut from 10 onwards by various people. Of course after I was raped, the slut shamming was far stronger.  It took easily 10 years for me to stop feeling responsible for my rape.   Not sure if my mom slut shamed me when she found out I was raped, but she sure did when she found out I'd been on the pill at 19.  Yes...  How nice of my mom to call me a slut for having been on the pill!  

I never slut shamed my daughters.   The only comment I made to my eldest about how to dress is the more she shows with her clothes, the more boys from 9 to men aged 99 will look at her as an object of desire.  Hell they will look at her too even if she is dressed from head to toe. I've seen boys  & men drool over Muslima's covered from head to toe and veiled.  

I have had my daughters try to do it to me once. At some point during their teens, they came home from their dads and inside my own home I was wearing spandex shorts and a spandex halter/bra type.  One daughter commented about what I was wearing. I asked her if I was allowed to clean my house on a hot day in clothes that were comfortable?   I was in my OWN FUCKING HOME and I get questioned on my clothes?  I made it clear that what I wear is my own choice and that I was never going to put up with this crap from them.   Of course I realize that my daughters at the time were trying to figure out where they stood.  I would hope that they no longer slut shame anyone.  

You can dislike a woman without attacking her morals, because honey as a  woman when you attack other women's morals you are just propagating this Neanderthal mentality that women's bodies must be hidden because men, are too weak, too stupid, or insert a weakness here... to control themselves around women. If you think about it and  you're into equality and feminism, you expect both genders to treat both genders as intelligent human beings and not judge women who  dress a certain way and think men are too weak to control themselves around women.....


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How a propos

Article about women with anxiety, hits home.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Yes I'd like a 4 litre bottle

But not a 4litre  bottle of windshield washer fluid dropped on my foot.  Luckily it is just bruised and I can still walk

It's been a month

It was March 18th where I could not handle it anymore, and around 3:30 I went home from work, overwhelmed, weak, tired, anxious.

At first it was a physical malaise, or at least it was the physical that was feeling weak. Now it's been a month, and my body is fine, it's my mind.

The past few months I've revisited so much of my life, and now I'm processing stuff that happened when I was 6 years old. My uncle's death seemed to make it worse. It's left me with such severe social anxiety I'm having a hard time functioning.

If I go out for an hour to run errands then I need a 4 hour nap to recover from the stress and anxiety. I've asked my Lebanese ex some help to get through this, including with paperwork and him doing paperwork on my behalf wears me out.

It is incredibly hard to admit as a strong alpha female, and as an independent articulate woman, that I need help. That alone, I will not get through this. Some is stuff I should have processed years ago, but having someone yell at me how I should be feeling or telling me  that what I'm feeling is wrong, has never helped. Now I can face it in my own time, and without anyone making fun of my feelings. Making fun of someone's feelings is stupid. You don't know the person. By making fun of how they feel you make it even harder for them to process, now the feeling is joined by anxiety or panicky state. With time the anxiety seems to increase exponentially.

I've recently  realized the extent   I suffer from social anxiety. It explains why I needed husband #1 to walk me to the door of my first job, hold my hand to there and tell me it was going to be ok, while I cried and shook uncontrollably. I did fine at that job. In fact I went beyond their expectations and they used me in the office for more then I was hired. My 2nd job I wasn't so frightened on the first day.

Heck when I started my current job, I remember the first few months how afraid I was to get lost in the building.Today when I think I have to go back to work, I think of all the people I'm going to run through int he hallways and people are going to say "SO how was your vacation?" Or worse "How are you doing"? " The question I don't want to answer. I dunno how I'm doing. Do you want an honest answer or just a smile and nod as I walk past you at 1000 miles per hour.

I think I will put a sign over my desk that says "I'm fine. Please don't ask how I'm doing or if I'm ok. I don't want to discuss that with ANYONE!!!"

Tomorrow at 11 am I will be going to get my winter tires off. After which I hope to go to a long walk in the woods. Maybe along the trail near the Riviere des Prairies that goes to the "Rapides du Cheval Blanc" and the bridge to Ile Bigras.  It's a cool place in spring before the mosquitoes come out.  I hope the walk in the wilderness will lift my spirits and help with the anxiety.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Need to use bigger camera

I just took my small camera when we walked around the pond in the townships, and realizing that for far away photos and small things it sucks. I mean I could have guessed it. Used to the dSLR now!

anyways these are the best otter shots I managed to get on Monday, because Sunday Otter disappeared too quickly.

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


The last time I'd seen an otter was in Florida, in the backyard of my parents Pinnelas Park home. He'd came out of the pond and walked across to the canal and jumped in and that was it, gone he was. Blink and I'd have missed it. That time I think he was just an otter passing through. He didn't frolic or play. He just went from pond to canal as fast as he could. At this point I can't remember which one of the three times I visited my parents mobile home it was.  The first time would have been in 1990, then after my surgery in December 2000. Then in March 2001 for my kids spring break.

When I went camping with my township friends on labour day in the Gatineau area they saw a pair of otters playing. I never saw them, though I might have a blurry photo of a black spot where I thought they might have been. My friends were thrilled to spot otters as they had never spotted any before.

This Sunday I was at their place in the townships and we decided to take a walk around the marsh as it was actually 17C. Finally a day that felt like spring. As we were walking along the marsh I noticed a black spot on some of the little bits of snow remaining in a part of the path were we have water both sides of the path. I pointed to my friends that I think I spotted an otter. All three of us saw it play and roll around a few times before it disappeared just before I got to a spot where I could get a good photo.

This is the closest I've ever been to an otter. My female friend pointed out that this was the second time in 7 months that one of us spotted an otter when the 3 of us were together, and perhaps it has a significance.On Monday we went walking again around the pond around the same time of day in hopes that we could catch photos of the otter. We didn't spot one where I'd seen one on Sunday but my other friend spotted a pair on the other side of the marsh on the ice.

At that point we knew it was significant. Because this was the third time we spotted otter, and each time it was a different one of us who saw them first.  We saw that pair frolic on the ice, and dive in a fair amount as we walked along the path. Later when we got to the other side we again spotted the pair of otters and a single otter first frolicking on an island and later the lone one fishing, eating fish and diving in and out of holes in the ice.  At some point my friend was so taken by the otters she called them "beaver-weasels".

I've concluded otter medicine isn't just for me, it's for all of us. I think from what Iv'e read  Otter encourages to be open and live your life the fullest. The 3 of us in some way are stuck or have been stuck in our lives and otter is gently nudging for us to let go of the past and live more freely.

Otter is the embodiment of female attributes, so that tells me that instead of being macho I should listen to my female side which is more nurturing. I nurture others but I rarely nurture myself. I need to nurture myself.  My job in the tech industry is killing my spirit. This job was perfect for me while my girls were growing up but now I need to be more in my own element.

This line from a blog on Otter medicine is relevant " If otter enters your life, always remember the beauty of a balanced female side, create a space for others to enter your life without preconceptions or suspicions. Otter teaches that balanced female energy is not jealousy or bitchiness, but sisterhood and sharing with others. Otter expresses joy for all."

My therapist pointed out that I have severe social anxiety but I'm happy in nature. So instead of dealing with city living stress I have to work on moving to the country and  removing the stress.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

He got awards

My Lebanese ex-husband, who by trade is a film-maker and video editor, has not been idle since his arrival in the Province of Quebec. After starting 99 % Media with the encouragement of friends, he has gotten involved in several short films, some of which are winning awards.
This one is for the short film A Syrian Story, a short film that shows the nastiness of the Syrian revolution.

This award is for the short film "La Charte des distractions", a social commentary on the proposed "Charte de valeur Quebecoise" the Parti Quebecois wanted to  impose and which upset many immigrants and Quebecois de souche as well. Thankfully the Charte never came to pass. I'd like to think the short film helped in that regard.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Canadians are the nicest people on earth.

With that stereotype in mind, I want to say that all Canadians should be entitled to dress as they please. Be it topless at the local beach, or covered from head to toe in  a Niqab.

I've read all sorts of arguments pro and con. Many from females from North African and middle eastern backgrounds. For some it is the sign of a backwards patriarchal oppression, to others, it is a choice to not be seen as a object to be lusted over.  Personally I do not want anyone to decide how much or how little I should wear and I certainly should not be doing it for others.

Yes many women who did not wear a veil in their country wear one here in Canada, why? Because they are free to do so. Free to wear one without labeling the woman as being anything more then a Muslim woman. I've read plenty of intelligent, articulate females who felt completely comfortable being invisible in society. That for them being noticed is the equivalent of being seen like a sex object. Being invisible as a sex object does not mean they are just invisible. Many of the middle eastern women I've met over the past 10 years are incredibly driven and from their own steam, not because men impose their views on them.

Of course what most non-Muslims do not know is that men should be modestly dressed as well and to be honest, I've met few middle eastern men who go around in wife beaters and tiny shorts. The majority tend to wear baggy clothes, and few go around half naked.  Lets just say as a Quebecois, I have never been offended by a middle eastern man too scantily clad. It's been the local French Quebecois, in their tiny speedos, with the large overlapping bellies that have left me somewhat traumatized!

If i lived in the middle east I would probably never leave my house without a scarf on my head. I burn so easily in the sun, being covered would be logical.  Here in Montreal, if I just go to work, I don't cover my head, but if I go camping or canoeing or spending the day outside, I wear something on my head, because I don't want to have fried brains.

I'm rambling, but logically to get back to the nice Canadians, well if we are some of the nicest people on earth, we should not let ourselves get indoctrinated by islamophobes. We should continue to be just as nice INCLUDING to our Muslim sisters, whether they chose to be "westernized" and just blend into a crowd of Montrealers, or be very visibly invisible, by wearing a Niqab in Ottawa.

When I visited Lebanon some of the Lebanese I met often asked me if I was surprised to see highly covered women walking with very uncovered women. It did not surprise me, as I have seen it in Montreal. One of my favourite random photos of the Printemps Erable, is one of a Muslim girl posing with a bare chested girl at a protest.

That is my point. Montreal can be like that. We can be nice Canadians. There is room for women in Niqabs in Canadian society. Isn't that what a mosaic is about?

Before anyone gets all offended, there is  room for the Hasidims in Canadian society, there's room for the Mennonites,  there's even room for the Mormons of Bountiful, there should be room for women in Niqabs. I don't expect any of these groups to be in large numbers in the Canadian Mosaic, but in existence and respected nonetheless. 

Monday, April 06, 2015

Thankyou google for messing my photos

Don't know what it is with the blogger servers or google servers, but my last  blog entry had all 7 photos properly displaying when I first  saved the post. Despite my best efforts, though I updated 5 of the photos they still aren't displaying.

This is recent. The past month or so I notice if I go back to old posts, half of the photos are missing. GREAT JOB GOOGLE.

I choose to put my photos using blogger and you lost half of them, or you aren't able to display half of them suddenly due to "errors".

Good job!

Alternatively the fault could be with Mozilla, as I mostly browse with Firefox and SeaMonkey!