Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I'm broken, but I'll have a nice wardrobe!

One of the few things I can usually do when I am barely functional is sew. I can do it for a few hours a day and at least it stops my mind from spiraling out of control for a few hours.

This dress I finished before the downward spiral hit. The print of the fabric is nothing special and most don't care for it. However it is the softest nicest rayon knit I have ever owned. This was a designer fabric at Club Tissu I bought for myself as a birthday present. Originally $30 something per meter, got it 40% off. Still an expensive dress. But I LOVE how it feels.

These photos were taken by my friend Nina. Note, the lighting wasn't good and I didn't let her edit them. I don't care, I just want to showcase the sewing.

Simplicity 1804 with soft rayon knit

The others have been made since I have been hiding at home. The blue number is awesome. I have the same print on both a knit and a woven denim style fabric. I've used this print already on a number of items, but this dress just rocks. I suspect it will be a favourite camping.

This dress was started last summer. I finished it in hopes it would help bring spring. HA

McCalls M6074 with a summery rayon knit
This next one is a soft rayon woven, I've been heavily into knits but this fabric with it's purple and pinks, reminiscent of my garage....
NewLook 6121

This one I started months ago, reminds me of many of the dresses I had in the 60's.The front bodice and sleeves are made of a stretch sateen and the skirt and back are made from a cotton print.

Simplicity 3833

Then there's the faux snakeskin dress. Don't care much for the fabric or the print, but wanted to try out a pattern. I finished this one today and wore it to therapist appointment.
McCalls M6958

This nightshirt was made from a Butterick pattern I had back in the late 80's early 90's.

Flannel nightshirt .

Monday, March 30, 2015

I'm a total basketcase

While I'm trying to formulate how to put things into words all I can hear is the toc-ing of a woodpecker.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to process but I haven't been at work all last week. Could not. I'd get as far as getting dressed packing a lunch and then turning back.  My uncle's death triggered something, not sure what.

I hadn't been able to cry. Not until this morning.  I have cried now 3 times. Once was brought upon chatting with my Lebanese ex, once was brought upon  chatting with my Irish buddy, and the last was reading a sweet email from my boss from last Thursday telling me to take it easy and not stress out over fact I'm not at work.

The crying it was a start but it's not enough. Is there something horrible in my childhood associated with my uncle. I don't think so. Nothing comes to mind. I liked my uncle. Always have. I don't know him well, since he was around the least when i was a child, but the few memories I have of him are good. It's memories I have with my cousins.. some aren't so good. Maybe this is what my uncle's death is triggering, a bad memory with one of my cousins?  Something beyond fact my female cousin is always a mean bitch to me.

Thankfully seeing my therapist tomorrow. hopefully this will shed some light on where the fuck I'm stuck. because this is beyond being an emotional baskketcase. I can't talk to most people. Can't get out of my house or out of my head much.

It's sad when I don't even want to leave the house for retail therapy. I could use retail therapy. Not clothes so much as fabrics [ All the cupros and all the silks ], shoes, value village....

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Cute cute cute

The thing that makes me smile the most is my kitten!

You can hang out with laptop, I'm going to sleep
HI MOM! I want breakfast!!!!
Weeeeeeeeee tissue paper!

Wednesday, March 25, 2015


I have not been physically well since some time last week, between the cold sores and the flu like symptoms for sure I was fighting something.

But it's my mind that has been broken. Since the news of my uncles death, I have been in a place I hadn't been since my dad's death. I've been struggling with my dad's death now for over 12 years and I thought I was making progress, but this has spiralled me back years in terms of processing.

That's the problem is that I am not processing emotions anymore. I feel over whelmed all I want to do is to hibernate and be alone.

I have slept more the past 5 days then I've slept the past year!  Me sleeping a lot usually signifies I'm not well in one way or another.Not sure when I'm seeing my therapist next but I could so see him today. Maybe I'll message and see.

I've barely been eating, have no interest in food. It's hard. Usually when I'm this low I have had a significant other who makes sure I get fed. Right now I'm not really paying that good attention. I'm trying to eat 3 times a day, but one day that meant I had 4 eggs and a few crackers with cheese.

I've always had a hard time eating when I'm upset and processing or trying to process emotions. I feel like such a basket-case today.The worst part is that it's 8:15. I was ready to leave for work at 8. I had bathed, brushed my teeth, even gotten dressed, and got into the truck and well that was all the energy I had.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

I laughed so hard

Took a picture of my Desert Lynx this morning and with his ears back he looks like he has curled ears just like a Highland Lynx cat.
Desert Lynx meme

My Messy desk

I was reading an article not too long ago about how messy desk is a sign of a creative mind. Well this is my desk:
My desk in March 2015
Close up on the things on my desk...
Yes among the things on my desk includes hand cream, spice mixture to put on potatoes, buckley's cough drops, tetley earl grey decaf tea, white out, a dollar store ball, that lights up when bumped a certain way, pills for back spasms, mouse, pens, sticky notes, highlighters, various USB cables, a USB hub, earbuds, several hard disks.... and that's just looking at the photo :) 


Saturday, March 21, 2015

On this gloomy first day of Spring

I want to wish my eldest a Happy Birthday, where ever she is sailing today!

Friday, March 20, 2015

The obituary

The obituary for my mom's brother, my uncle Richard.  I'm feeling all discombobulated today.

Thursday, March 19, 2015

and he's gone

My uncle left this world this morning around 5:20am. He was close to 80 years old. He had a good life.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Mr Cab Driver....

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not fond of Taxi's.

Don't like the drivers, who almost always drive like assholes. Don't like the attitude of most male taxi drivers, and apparently Montreal has had numerous cases of women sexually assaulted by taxi drivers, and it's been kept HUSH HUSH?!?!?!

One of the last times I took a taxi, I was coming from the Pierre Elliot Trudeau Airport in Dorval.  When I got into the car I told the guy I was going to Pierrefonds. I had to stop him from taking the 20 towards downtown.  Then when he realized he wasn't going downtown he drove as slow as possible the entire way back to my place he was surly and he charged me more then the meter said and would not take no for an answer. He asked me for more then I had on me. I went into the house and I had some change in quarters and Loonies, and let me tell you he got paid in the smallest coins I had and I did not hand them to him, I dumped it on his front seat and ran back into the house.

You can find the odd article about it, but the taxi bureau ridicules women who complain. That tells me that WOMEN should not take taxis alone or alternatively, we should do like in Beirut. Have a taxi run by women, driven by women and only FOR women.  This way we'd be less likely to be sexually assaulted.

This woman as per this article, says she is suing because she got assaulted and the driver who assaulted her was suspected in another assault and to this day he still drives a cab!!!!

And for fun including one of my favourite Lenny Kravitz songs.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Happy St Patricks day!

Everyone is Irish on St Patricks day. What's not so cool is that the Irish weren't treated any better then blacks in the US. In fact in some cases, the Irish were slaves too.

Here's one article about the real Irish-American story.

Monday, March 16, 2015

New black dress

 Sunday I made a new dress using a favourite, Butterick 5313. Completely from one end to another. I have like at least 12 dresses cut out but not sewn but wasn't feeling any of them. So I made this one from soft Rayon, so it feels like awesome to wear

In bois de liesse Monday

Sunday, March 15, 2015

We know cats are assholes

Realized that it was my female cat setting off the dog. Got to love button pushers even animals do it.

Ziva on dog patrol. Keeps an eye out for dog, bullies and runs it out of rooms when it finds dog!

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Cats are assholes

so today I was trying to take photos of up coming sewing projects, and of course after I placed all the fabrics and patterns on the bed, 3 of my 4 cats decided to go investigate. When I got back with phone, this was what I saw.

Cats photo bombing my upcoming sewing projects
Then again the other morning, I had the ity bitty kitty committee in my room as well.  I think they are hiding from the dog. But the dog has been grumpy anyways.

The dog brooding in the other bedroom: It's a hard life. 

Friday, March 13, 2015

Bloke that sews...

I'm not sure why not more men sew to be honest. Tailors are generally men.  My grandpa, old school, would be be 105 today were he still be alive, had some basic sewing skills. He worked for several years on merchant boats going between Montreal and the various ports along the great lakes. He could be gone several months at a time. So before he left my grandma showed him how to hem, fix unsewn items, put back on buttons and even change a zipper. A skill he still used in his 60's.

My last bf had good sewing skills too. He was the first man I'd met in a long time that could sew.

This dude made the news in the UK for his mad sewing skills

Thursday, March 12, 2015

STOP! You! Yes you with the big ass SUV

I take Kingsley most days to get to Sunnybrooke.  I've noticed the past 2 or 3 weeks that a police van hides on Sonata and nails people for speeding in a school zone and for not stopping at the various stop signs. From the spot the police hides on Sonata, they can observe 2 stops and 3 school zones.

This morning I was coming from Spring Garden, onto Kingsley and as I approached the stop on the corner of Sonata, I saw the police Van chase a car that had stopped very little. What blew my mind is despite the police car following the SUV, the person kept driving. Finally stopping on Sunnybrooke, right after the stop sign. A horrible place to stop given the traffic on Sunnybrooke.

Most of the time when I see the police van chase someone or catch someone it's between Sonata and Saturn, or even between Saturn and Sunnybrooke but closer to Saturn.

I happened to witness the first interaction between the young male police officer, sexy in his camouflage protest pants, and the middle aged fur coat wearing, privileged woman. If I had been able to hear I'm sure he chewed her out for not stopping when he first went behind her. I mean who did she think he was chasing? His tail? There was no one else on the road in front of her.  If he was going for some emergency he would have just barreled around her.

Oh if I had been able to take a photo of him giving her hell, I would have loved it.

Anyways it made my morning, because there are way too many "privileged" people in the west Island who think they own the road.  Of course if I hadn't let 2 bunches of pedestrians, [one bunch who waved at me thankfully] cross Spring Garden before I turned on Kingsley I would not have witnessed this spectacle!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Skating in a forest?

Le domaine de la foret perdue is roughly two hours from Montreal and located in the Trois Rivieres area. There you can find the labyrinth which encompasses twelve kilometers of skating path, that meanders through a forest

The cost for adults to go skating is fourteen dollars  per day.  They have skate and snowshoe rentals, there are also farm animals that can be observed and fed.  Sounds like a wonderful place to spend the day with friends or children.

Lovely walk in the forest yesterday...

Selfie taken with timer on phone
It felt like spring. For the first time in 2015, I was outside and I was WARM!!!  Heck it's about 6 or 7C and I'm wearing no hat, no mitts, and my coat is open, no scarf. I walked like this with open coat no hat. Usually I wait till about 12 to be able to do it. But it was so consistently cold this winter, that anything above 0 seems warm.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

In direct from Quebec.

Hadn't heard about them until I saw it shared from one of my former interns, from Ecole de Technologie Superieur [ETS] but I think the river turbine is a great idea.   To quote the website of company who makes them:

"Combining Quebec’s expertise in hydroelectricity, aluminum and renewable energy, Idénergie has successfully developed the first solution to easily generate electricity from the natural flow of a river. Since its inception, significant efforts have been made in order to overcome technical challenges related to the production of electricity under water. Idénergie has been recognized by various public and private entities for the quality of its project. It will now join solar panels and wind turbines in the growing residential renewable energy market."

My SuperFit boots

I got my winter boots on sale at the Rubino warehouse at Galeries des Sources back in late October or early November. I remember wearing the first time when I went to Toronto in mid November, with no regrets as it was incredibly cold two of the days we were there.

The brand is Superfit, never heard of them before but I liked the boot, the price and the colour. From what I gather they are a Canadian brand and they specialize in making footwear for cold temperatures.

I can't say I wore any other pair of boots most of the winter. Never once were my feet cold.  This is the boots after being worn all December, January and February, some of November and some of March. I'm very pleased with them.

The amusing thing is that when I went to Rubino with my friend when she was looking for winter boots, the salesgirl who helped her out, had the nerve to dis my boots, saying they were the worst piece of crap they sold and they wouldn't last the winter. Talk about stupid. You don't dis merchandise you sell! Especially not to someone who bought them from your store just a week or two earlier.

Monday, March 09, 2015

2015 might not be a good year for my mom's siblings.

My mom has been gone since 1999, but both of her siblings are still alive. At least at the latest news but it might not be long. My mom was born in 1933, my aunt was most likely born in 1931, and my uncle in 1936 or 1937.  That makes my aunt 84 and my uncle not quite 80.

When I saw my broker, he mentioned he hasn't seen my aunt in 2 years because she isn't well enough to discuss her finances, and today I received a Facebook message from one of my cousins to say his dad is in his last miles.  It's sad, and I guess I am bracing myself to receive phone call about their passing on.

I don't remember last time I saw either. My mom hadn't been on good terms with her brother and his wife, except perhaps the last year of her life, and though she did spend time with my aunt, she always had issues with her.  I have my own issues with my aunt, and we don't get along that well, we're too alike.

I sometimes forget that I'm 50ish, so it's not surprising that my aunt and uncle are getting older. 

Sunday, March 08, 2015

Today we SPRING forward.. WOOT

Uhm. Not really.  Daily savings time is a whole crock. Not sure who it saves daylight for but changing time twice a year is a real pain in the ass!

Saturday, March 07, 2015

The old St Bernard school in DDO

It was changed school board so probably no longer has a Catholic school name. But this used to be my daughter's elementary school when they were children.

All the cute snow sculptures had caught my attention the several other times I'd passed in front of the school in the past 2 weeks.

Friday, March 06, 2015

What a day!

Yesterday gave me a scare.  I went for walk in bois de liesse on lieu of lunch though i went around 3. It was beautiful. It's been so cold past 2 months Ive missed walking outside.


Later around 4:30 when I was getting my purse looked into by security before leaving work I noticed my wallet was missing.  I ran back to my desk and did not find it.

Then I ran to my Suzuki to search it... no wallet. So I start to drive home. On Kingsley on DDO, there are 2 stops in front of thr school, and while I do stop sometimes the police see it differently.  So I stop and go and notice the police car after going and I think..."fuck! He's going to nail me", and thinking without any papers, as they are all in my wallet. 


But no thankfully he did not follow me and I made it home unscathed. Run into house to look for wallet on the dining room table where my purse was in the morning. Still no wallet. By then Im freaking out.  I go back into the garage to look more in the truck from diffferent angles, still no wallet, and as I am going around my truck, see my wallet all soggy from having been in a puddle.

So grateful to have found it. Moreso the wallet itself is a gift from my friend in abu dhabi and I would have been so upset to have lost it, never mind the drivers license,  medicare card, credit cards and all sorts of misellaneous store cards.

Hopefully today is less eventful.

Thursday, March 05, 2015

People suck!

I don't mean that in a sexual way or a good way.  Lots of people on this earth are selfish narcissistic assholes. One of the New Delhi rapists, the one who was driving the bus was interviewed about his predicament, and he clearly puts the blame on women for being raped. She was out of her house past 9 pm.  She fought back? Now all women who are raped in New Delhi will be killed because of the bigger penalties he says. He also says it's all the woman's fault for being raped.

I still think in countries where rape is rampant, curfews should be put on males. After all they do the raping!  The view that a woman was asking for it, just drives me batty.  Like saying just because you breathe you deserve to be raped.

Suggestions for avoiding rape include dressing more conservatively, not flirting, staying home etc... Like WHAT THE FUCK?  Have they read statistics, men rape for POWER. They don't care if you're pretty, or sexy or young, or  what have you. Women are raped at all time of the day, NOT JUST AT NIGHT, like everyone would have us believe.  It was still light outside when I was raped.

People suck also because they are judgmental assholes.  It's like they think that people going through financial difficulties should not live. Before people give others help they judge them, and decide if they are worthy of help.

Even people going through a rough time need some form of entertainment, otherwise how the fuck do you expect them to get through the rough time.   A steady diet of austerity combined with depression and other hardships isn't going to help the person get out of their miserable situation. Occasionally you need a pick me up.  Sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and not just at an immediate situation.  You have to look at the sacrifices they made in one aspect of their life so that they may indulge a little bit from time to time, even when going through a more difficult period.

Most of my friends are going through financial hardships. My buddy in Ottawa, my friends in the townships, my friend who is living with me, my Lebanese Ex hubby,  my friend in Ireland..... I don't' judge them. I don't start looking for fleas... "Oh she went out Friday night, she can't really be struggling".   Yeah she went out, and had 1 drink that her friend paid. And you're going to judge her for that?  She should stay home and cry because she is broke?  Or he's having beef for dinner he can't possibly be broke, but you don't know he has a farmer friend that gives him meat in exchange for services rendered. And you're going to judge him for that? Or worse they smoke cigarettes or weed, and people expect them to stop cold turkey because stopping those activities are going to be enough to make ends meet? Seriously?

It's always easy calling the kettle black, but sometimes the pot should look at itself closely. Perhaps the pot is just as black and acting like a complete douche canoe!. Or in French we like to say you notice the straw in your friends eye but not the beam in your own..  "On voit la paille dans l'oeil de son voisin, mais pas la poutre  dans le sien " 

Wednesday, March 04, 2015

New bikini...

I was looking on American Eagle Outfitters website to see if it was worth going to a store to try on some bathing suits and spotted this little number in a colour they call sugar palm. It was only available online, and was reduced in price. So I took a leap of faith. I have to thank the woman in the review who says that normally AOE are true to size, but this one was too small in small. I ordered both in Medium and the fit is perfect. I agree with the woman, it is made very small.

Not only does it fit perfectly, and so much better then last years bikini, but matches a dragonfly wrap I picked up at value village a few months back. So pining for summer at this point.  I want it to be warm enough to be comfortable wearing just the bikini, or with the see through wrap around it :)

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

In canada, you're way more likely to be killed by a Moose, than by a terror plot!

Miso soup for lunch

This has been a favourite for weeks.  I love the Mishima miso Soup mix. They have multiple flavours, like white, red, mixed and spicy.  I haven't found the spicy in a while, but a tablespoon of the Louisiana hot sauce makes my miso soup as spicy as I like it.

Second dress I make in 2015

On Sunday I finished this Rayon dress that I had started sometime in January:

Butterick 3437 from the 1990's
My phone captured the purple as being greyish but the fabric looks like the photo with the pattern.  It's a really comfortable dress. Very happy with it. May add an elastic to make the empire waist more fitting

Monday, March 02, 2015

Sleepy time

A few hours later the bed was more interesting then the laundry basket. ...
Do  you realize this is a Queen bed? He's a long little guy...

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Look at me!

He wanted to be laundered today. Don't think it will happen buddy... Just sayin...